John Waters Would Like To Introduce You To His Idols

Maybelline's Velvet Black Eyeline.

This is the only thing I wrote down in my notes while I was reading John Water's new book, Role Models. It's the color he uses to pencil in his famous skinny mustache and one of the many interesting tidbits about his life I picked up in the book. The reason I didn't jot down anything else was that I was laughing too hard.

Not that Waters's person was supposed to be the focus at all. It's exactly what you'd think a book called Role Models would be: a collection of oddballs worthy of the guy who brought cult icons like Divine into the mainstream. Lesbian strippers, Manson groupies, fashion designers pushing the boundaries of "taste," and even Little Richard and Johnny Mathis all have inspired the man behind Pink Flamingos and Hairspray. Waters is just charming enough to convince you that convicted felons make great friends (he devotes a lengthy chapter to former Manson cultist Leslie van Houten), and that clothes that fit properly are overrated (his favorite designer is Comme des Garcons' Rei Kawakubo, known for her asymmetrical and deconstructed designs). To no one's shock, there's a ton of kitsch value here, but it's John Waters for crying out loud. Would you expect any less?

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LinkChurch: David Sedaris, Tiffany, And Greg Giraldo

Here's our weekly wrap-up of pop culture commentary and news we didn't get a chance to cover during the week.

Culture Brats Highlights of the Week

• We recap the latest episode of Hellcats.
• We interview the people behind a Super Mario Bros. burlesque show.
• We rank our fifteen favorite '80s sitcoms.

Pop Culture Commentary

• Popblerd looks back at Tiffany's "All This Time" single.
• Popdose remembers Greg Giraldo.
• Vulture interviews David Sedaris.

Rowdy Roddy Piper Fights Childhood Obesity

As a big fan of Piper's Pit, I couldn't stop laughing at this:



[source]

The Breasts Are Real. But The Eyeglasses? I Think The Eyeglasses Are Fake.

Need a laugh? Check out this hilarious but probably NSFW video for Indie Rock Girls Gone Wild:



[source]

Building Bon Jovi

Laurie Everton is an '80s glam fan. Laurie Everton is an artist. Laurie Everton is a doll collector. Laurie Everton combines all three loves when she creates celebrity ooaks, dolls that she repaints, reclothes, and restyles to look like certain celebrities. She took a few minutes to speak with us about her unique profession.

Hello, Laurie! Thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions for us today.
Hi! Happy to do it.

You create portrait ooaks. Can you tell everyone what portrait ooaks are?
A portrait ooak is a one-of-a-kind doll made to look like a certain person (celebrity, or even someone's sister). Celebrities are the easiest because you can get all the pics you need. I have done people I've never met, non-celebrities. Those are harder because all I have to go by is what pictures the buyer has sent me.

Do you exclusively use Barbie and Ken dolls for your ooaks? If not, what other kinds of dolls do you use?
I use Barbie and Ken alot, simply because you can play around with the facial features more. I also use the larger 16-inch Tonner dolls. I redo those too, but they are almost always actors and actresses. No rockers yet. The "Rockin' the '80s" series will be all Barbie/Ken size.

How did you get into this? What made you want to create portrait ooaks?
I'm a portrait artist, been drawing portraits for years and years. This is the same thing, but different medium and canvas. I'm also a doll collector. I just combined the two loves.

LinkChurch: The Ting Tings, Liz Phair

Here's our weekly wrap-up of pop culture commentary and news we didn't get a chance to cover during the week.

Culture Brats Highlights of the Week

• We reviewed Hellcats.
• We reviewed Nikita.
• We make fun of Insane Clown Posse, Juggalos, and the "Juggalo Island" video.
• We give Robert Pattinson some career advice.
• We rank '80s slang.
• We wonder if one can separate the art from the artist.

Music

• Which reeks more of the '80s: "Hands" by the Ting Tings or the song's video?
• Liz Phair is finally releasing the Girlysound Tapes, which have long been rumored to rock and cure cancer.

Top 26 '80s Slang

For this week's Ranked!, we decided to take a look at our favorite '80s slang. Enjoy!

26. Veg Out
Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: Relax
Usage: Let's just veg out and watch music videos all day.

25. Fresh
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Stylish or cool
Usage: Did you see the fresh threads Steff was sporting at the party?

24. Book
Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: To hurry or to leave quickly.
Related forms: Gotta book/Booking/Book it
Usage: We need to book before Cameron's Dad gets home!

23. Burn
Part of Speech: Interjection
Meaning: Gotcha!
Usage: Yo mama so ugly all the mirrors in your house break themselves. Burn!

22. Tubular
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Awesome
Usage: We just watched Red Dawn. It was totally tubular, dude!

21. To the max
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Extreme
Usage: The Thriller video is grody to the max!

20. Gnarly
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Extreme
Usage: Dude, let's catch some gnarly waves with Spicoli.

19. Wiggin'
Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: Freaking out
Related forms: Wiggin' out
Usage: I didn't get much sleep because Long Duck Dong was wiggin' out all night.

18. Stoked
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Excited
Usage: I'm so stoked! We just scored front row tix to the Duran Duran concert!

17. Mallrat
Part of Speech: Noun
Meaning: Adolescents that hang out at the mall
Usage: There's way too many mallrats hanging out at Chess King on Friday nights.

16. Dude
Part of Speech: Proper Noun/Direct Address
Meaning: Person
Usage: Dude! Your brother Chet is a real jerkoff!

15. I'm so sure
Part of Speech: Interjection
Meaning: Unbelievable
Usage: You're saying you drove a DeLorean back in time and you helped your parents hook up at their prom? I'm so sure.

14. Excellent
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Great
Usage: I just scored some most excellent weed from those dudes that hang out in front of the Quick Stop.

13. Wicked
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Awesome
Usage: Have you seen Square Pegs? That show is wicked!

12. Righteous
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Awesome
Usage: Bono is so righteous!

11. Bitchin'
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Cool
Usage: Dude! That new Culture Club cassingle is bitchin'!

10. Duh
Part of Speech: Interjection
Meaning: Obviously
Related forms: No duh
Usage: Everyone knows Duckie should've ended up with Andie at the end of Pretty In Pink. Duh!

9. Gag
Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: To disgust
Related forms: Gag me with a spoon/Gag me
Usage: My grandmother just felt me up! Gag me with a spoon!

8. Like, Oh My God!
Part of Speech: Interjection
Meaning: Disbelief
Usage: Like, oh my God! I heard Mikey died by eating Pop Rocks with Coke.

7. Rad
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Awesome
Usage: Check out his rad Vans.

6. Psych
Part of Speech: Interjection
Meaning: I'm lying
Usage: Sure I'll skip the Thompson Twins concert to stay home for family game night, Mom. Psych!

5. Chill
Part of Speech: Verb
Meaning: Calm down, relax
Related forms: Chill out/Take a chill pill
Usage: Muffy needs to chill out and leave my man alone!

4. Grody
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Disgusting
Usage: You sucked face with Farmer Ted? Grody!

3. Bogus
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Wrong, unbelievable, unappealing
Usage: I can't believe your Mom wouldn't let you watch The Day After last night. That is so bogus!

2. Totally
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: Very
Usage: If I lose my temper, you're totaled, man. Totally.

1. Awesome
Part of Speech: Adjective
Meaning: The best, appealing, cool
Usage: Man, those Culture Brats guys sure can throw together an awesome list!

* * *

We showed you ours, now show us yours! What's your favorite '80s slang?

LinkChurch: Allentown vs. Billy Joel, Death Music

Here's our weekly wrap-up of pop culture commentary and news we didn't get a chance to cover during the week.

Culture Brats Highlights of the Week

• We critique the Burlesque trailer.
• We rank our 26 favorite movies with twist endings.
• We talk about big studs.
• We remember the super scary Teddy Ruxpin.

Music

• You can have your ashes pressed into an LP after your death.
• The Love Hate Society takes a look at the long-standing feud between Allentown, Pennsylvania and Billy Joel..

Teddy Ruxpin Wants Your Soul

Everyone knows the drill.

Stay as far away from puppets, clowns, and mimes as is humanly possible and never turn your back at a child's birthday party, lest you be devoured by all three at once.

No one, however, has laid out the dangers posed by one of THE most insidious toys to crawl zombielike out of the '80s toy market: Teddy Ruxpin.

Please observe:



This was the precursor to the Furby and all terrifying speaking furry toy robots that hit store shelves afterward, so you can look Teddy square in the eye during the machine wars that we will all be fighting in 2025 and know he started it all.

Just as John Connor predicted, it all starts with one know-it-all at Cyberdine Systems and the next thing you know your Honda Asimo droid is stabbing you with the cutlery and your Roomba stops vacuuming and eats your pets. It's a slippery slope, people.

So anyway, now that you have that chilling Dr. Frankenstein visual of the true evil origins of the Teddy Ruxpin, you need to go burn any remaining '80s toys that speak, coo, or move their eyes in a shifty manner because no good comes of these things.

If you decide not to heed my warning, don't blame me when you wake up in the middle of the night with this thing attached to your head while it sucks what remains of your soul out of your left ear.

Everyone else, welcome to the war against the machines.

LinkChurch: American Pie, Galaxy Quest, The Expendables

Here's our weekly wrap-up of pop culture commentary and news we didn't get a chance to cover during the week.

Culture Brats Highlights of the Week

• We take a look at the Black Swan trailer.
• We rank our 17 favorite Duran Duran tunes.
• We rewrite Piranha 3D.

Music

• Popdose finishes their Top 20 Songs of Summer. [20-11|10-1]
• The Love Hate Society explains the meaning behind every line of Don McLean's "American Pie."

Movies

• Den Of Geek remembers Galaxy Quest.
• Vulture lists genres that could benefit from The Expendables treatment.

Song Of The Week
It's the kick ass cover of "Bed Intruder Song" by Paramore's Hayley Williams, Relient K's Ethan Luck, and New Found Glory's Jordan Pundik, of course!