My Swatch Story

Inspired by Jennyonthespot's brave history with her Swatch watches, I decided to share my own.

One of the great things about growing up in a tiny North Carolina town was it didn't take much to set yourself apart from your classmates. You could make the twenty-mile drive into The City, walk around the mall for five minutes and discover fashion, movies, and music that never entered your city limits.

The year was 1984. I was the first kid at my school to own a Swatch watch. Does this mean I was cooler than my peers? I was, but not because I was the first to own a Swatch. But that did add to my mystique.

I don't know how I heard about Swatch watches. Maybe it was an ad in Rolling Stone? MTV? Whatever the origin, I knew I had to own one. So I picked up the phone book and started calling stores in the mall in The City.

Store: Hello?
Me: Hi! Do you sell Swatches?
Store: Yes, we sell watches.
Me: No, Swatches.
Store: Watches?
Me: Swatches. Swatch watches.
Store: Son, I have no idea what you're talking about.

I must've had that conversation five or six times until I found a store that had just ordered some and told me they'd have them in a week. The next week, I somehow persuaded my Mom to take me to the mall and drop $35 on this piece of Swiss plastic:


Wasn't she beautiful? I was in love with my Swatch. I strutted into school the next day. You know how a girl will walk around, trying to get people to notice her ring finger when she first gets engaged? That was me with that stupid watch.

Me: [clears throat]
Other Kid: ...
Me: [clears throat again, tries to draw attention to the Swatch but stops short of waving it wildly in front of Other Kid's face]
Other Kid: What?
Me: I just got a Swatch!
Other Kid: Ooh! A Swatch! [examines Swatch carefully]
Me: [beams with pride over Other Kid's acknowledgment of my awesomeness]
Other Kid: What's so great about it? What does it do?

What's so great about it? It's a Swatch. It tells time. It doesn't do anything except tell time and look cool. Stupid commoners.

Other kids soon had Swatches and by the end of the year, most everyone had one. Some even had two or three. Eventually everyone had Swatch Guards, those thin plastic strips that supposedly protected your Swatch from scratches. And one or two kids even had those plastic bangles to put over their Swatch bands.

And people gripe about Silly Bandz.

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The Swatch Watch

It's 1988.

Him: Heeeeeyyyyy *cocky grin*

Me: Hiiiiii *bats lashes*

Him: You wanna go around? *cracks neck*

Me: Like, OK. *tosses spiral permed locks* Where's your Swatch?

This may be a regional thing. But where I grew up… when a guy and girl started "going around" the guy would wear the girls' ring on his pinky finger and the girl would wear his Swatch watch.

This was Jason's:

And yes, I still have it, but have since thrown away the dried roses. At least something good came out of that "going-around-tionship".

Oh, Swatch.

We just couldn't get enough of the Swatch. Clearly. And to be clear: the arm with a "stack" of swatches had nothing to do with how many people one was going around with... nor was it a sign of a very punctual person. It was fashion.

Like, totally.

Splattered

When I was 13, I had the coolest pair of paint-splattered Keds. Except they weren't actually Keds but the cheaper Payless Shoes version. (Which wasn't quite as cool as actual Keds but they were close.) Nonetheless, for $5.99 those white tennies with multi-colored paint splatters weren't just darn cute, they were chic because they were a design pattern that had never been done before! (You know, if you don't count Jackson Pollock.) On top of that, those paint splatters kind of hinted at a little bit of subversiveness... like they could have been at the scene of a building getting tagged. Maybe. You can't tell that they weren't. I was styling in my bad child, knock-off splatter paint tennies.

But that was when I was 13. I didn't have much experience in the world and I thought using baby oil as sunscreen was a good idea. Since then I've come to associate paint splatter as one of those beginning Photoshop tutorials.

Which means there must be a lot of beginning Photoshop students designing clothes these days.



Hey fashion students! It's supposed to be about reinventing. Re-inventing! That means taking an old style and making it modern. Not just watching Flashdance, throwing something together and thinking no one will notice.



OK, this one is kind of cool. It's got rips! And paint splatters! And geometric shapes! I want to pair it with a fedora and some pegged pants. Think I can wear it to a parent-teacher conference?



There is even an entire section of Zazzle just for paint splattered Keds!



(Repeat after self: I am not 13. I am not 13. I am not 13.)

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Ode to Units

I was looking at the swimsuits in Weirdgirl's bikini post and was reminded of something. On the "vintage" suit, the waist reminded me of a cummerbund I use to have to wear in junior high choir. I'd purchased it from a place called Units that was all the rage at the time.

Anyone else remember Units? It was modular clothing that was designed to be mix and match and sometimes the pieces were convertible. They didn't come in tons of colors - they were meant to be wardrobe foundations. For example, my red cummerbund - it could be a belt/cummerbund, or you could slide it down and stretch it into a tight mini skirt. Or you could slide it up and make it into a bandeau/tube top. Or even a cowl/scarf kind of thing. Or you could go all the way and just make it into a really tight, slutty, tube dress.

I did some research tonight and learned that the chain was sold to J.C. Penney. The designer, Sandra Garratt, tried again and created a similar line called Multiples, which sold to Macy's. Eventually both lines collapsed.

HOWEVER. I did some more digging. Sandra's still making clothes. Sandra's got her own website, and she's still doing the modular clothing thing. She also owns a Mac. But her "modern" collection is totally the Units style. Here's her "Peg Pant:"



And this is TOTALLY the cummerbund that I wore in junior high choir. For $8 it could be mine again!



So tempted to place an order for some pants. It would be like wearing socially-acceptable PJ pants in public, right? Who else wore the Units stuff? And did you wear the cummerbund as a dress? That plus the big hair would have been the ultimate hotness.

Blinding Bikinis

You know my favorite thing about neon? It's retro exuberant color makes such a lovely contrast to my pasty white, winter skin... especially in bikinis!

That's right, neon is back and what better place than 80s inspired swimwear? Observe...

Vintage 80s bikini:



New neon bikini:




The problem is they don't seem to be getting any cuter. At least self-tanners have come a long way.

[photo 1 | photo 2]

'80s Eyewear

A few months ago I took my husband birthday shopping as he needed some new sunglasses. I was amused and appalled to see that the Sunglass Hut had a display of Limited Edition Oakleys - that were retro '80s Wayfarers. Remember these?

Back in the day I had some knockoffs in hot pink (cuz I wear prescription glasses). I thought they were so hot! They totally went with my pink Converse high tops.

Well today I was out shopping at an electronics store and saw a dude in a polo shirt, with his collar popped, wearing the Wayfarers in black and neon orange. I'm pretty sure his lady friend noticed that I stopped to stare a little.

I was at the eye doctor this afternoon and while I was trying on new frames I mentioned it to the lovely man who was helping me pick out frames and he said that Ray-Ban and Oakley styles from the '80s are making a comeback. He agreed with me that '80s fashion, while fun at the time, really shouldn't be making a comeback.

I can handle the classic Top Gun style Ray-Bans. Tom Cruise made them look good.



The neon plastic? No thanks.

Fess up, who had the eyewear? Will you run out to pick up some new Wayfarers?

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Good vs. Evil?

One thing I have to say about myself in the '80s and early '90s is that I owned an obscene number of jackets for different occasions.

I managed to score myself a vintage army jacket and a wool pea coat for under fifteen dollars at the now legendary Udelco , in upstate New York where I grew up, along with various other spectacular finds that quickly filled my closet.

When I went to college, however, I kept one steadfast and tough customer by my side at all times. The J. Crew olive green barn jacket.

Do you remember this gem?

You and everybody in your entire dorm wore it to whatever filthy hovel served drinks to underaged kids near your campus and you inevitably took it off during the night because:

1. you were drunk
2. the greasy heat shack that was destroying your liver and your love life was hotter than a Viking oven on full blast in the middle of August.
   

Then, after your evening was finished and the bartenders were flashing the lights and kicking you out, the "Who stole my barn jacket?" ritual began because you all had the same damn one in varying degrees of distress. (Mine had a frayed left cuff that was easy to locate because it's where my Casio watch had rubbed the material)

Now cut to the boys' floor of the same dorm.

Same getting ready ritual with showers and talk of who you were going to hook up with but the finishing touch was the zipping up of your Members Only jacket. Now, young man, you are ready to conquer the world.

Ahhh, Members Only.

The fashion "don't" that quickly became a "do" with just a whiff of exclusivity wafting off of it. After all, it was for MEMBERS ONLY. What did you have to do to join?

It was ill fitting and terribly unflattering, unlike the J. Crew barn jacket which could hide a multitude of sins underneath, like your freshman 15.

You never knew what you were going to get until that girl you liked whipped off that enormous rugged farmer's jacket and showed you her junk. What a pleasant surprise! Or not.

Recently the Members Only brand has experienced a bit of a resurgence with the relaunch of the brand and I find it hard to believe J. Crew wouldn't follow suit. Here's a guy that understands the real historical significance of the Members Only legend.

So what say you?

Did you own either? Neither?

Is yours still hanging in your closet?

In Honor of the World Cup

For my birthday I made my boys take me to a MLS soccer game. (That's a football match if you're from anywhere else in the world.) I haven't seen a soccer game in a zillion years and the weather was great so I thought it would be fun. I also want to watch some World Cup games so I needed to get my head back into the game. But I digress. While I was at the game I remembered that Umbro shorts used to be all the rage in the late '80s/early '90s. Remember these?


They were all kinds of popular at my school. Some kids even doubled them up to layer the colors - what's cooler than one pair of Umbros? TWO PAIRS!

I had more than a few pairs myself. In my defense, I did actually play a lot of soccer so I often wore them from school to practice. So they were practical, right? Also, they are insanely comfortable. However, that does not mean they should be paired with a baggy (and probably matchy neon) t-shirt, multi-layered colorful socks, sneakers, and worn every day. I understand this now. (Incidentally, I owned both pairs of shorts pictured on this site. *hangs head* )

Anyone else a fan of the Umbros? Think we will see a comeback?

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Jelly Bracelets: A Timeless Classic

Yes. They were big in the Eighties. BECAUSE THEY WERE AWESOME.

And they still ARE Awesome. You can find them in any retail accessory section, if the store is a cool store.

I believe the jelly bracelet is the under-appreciated accessory of modern time. I am thirty-noneofyourbusiness years old and I wear my jelly bracelets almost everyday. BUT. Only the black ones. I'm classy about my jelly bracelets like that. I mean, I'm not 12 anymore.

I wear them to the preschool, to the elementary school, to the gym, to the grocery store, to the martini bar, to the dance club, to the Costco, to the coffee shop, and even the Dairy Queen…

I love me my black jelly bracelets. Occasionally I throw in a red one. I'm uncontainable.

That is how I have taken one of the foundational '80s fashion accessories and have made them fit into the fashion scene 25 years later. No need to stack colors. Twist two together and slip them on.

And unless everyone is lying to me, everyone thinks my jelly bracelets are very cool. EVERYONE.

"Are you wearing jelly bracelets?! Did you twist them together?! Oh my gosh, you are so cool!"

I know.

That is the point of living, right?

To be cool. Be it 1985, be it 2010. Cool is always cool.

But please don't confuse jelly bracelets with jelly shoes. Just say "NO" to jelly shoes. Please. Especially if you've been playing on a dusty playground in 90 degree weather. Sweat & dirt turned mud in a pair of clear shoes never looks cool. Just sayin'.

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The Inbreeding Has Begun

I was perusing the fine goods of Forever 21 (irony noted) when I had to do a double take over a t-shirt I swore was last seen on my best friend from 9th grade. Then I did a series of double takes and when my neck stopped hurting I had come to a conclusion... leopard prints were back.

Now leopard, and other prints where we pretend to be animals (because anything is cuter than being a primate, am I right?), has never gone out of style. Wait, correction... animal prints have never disappeared. (Style, as a definition, is an elusive mistress... she's hot but she steals your last yogurt as she walks out the door to see "a guy she knows", and then you wait up for her way too long.) But this latest breed of animal is purely of the 80s variety. A little too closely.

Guess which of these items I found on a costume website and which I found at Forever 21? I mixed them up just to be helpful like.