Run, Logan, Run

Apologies to our newest writer Jay, because this news might break his heart. There's a remake of Logan's Run in the works. Now, before you get all full of rage, it might not suck. Honest. Stay with me here.

The remake is slated to feature Ryan Gosling and is being directed by Nicholas Winding Refn. Besides having a totally awesome name, Refn's getting some incredibly good buzz lately for a soon to be released film called Drive, which also stars Ryan Gosling.

I only vaguely remember this film. The bits that I remember are VERY 1970s, the costumes especially. And I know some people (aka uber-geeks) have complained that it didn't follow the book very well.

So, movie nerds, if they remake this and stay closer to the book, do you think it's worth a look? I have to say, I never paid much attention to Ryan "The Notebook" Gosling but I recently saw Crazy, Stupid, Love and man I'm watching now. (The mostly nekkid didn't hurt.)

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You Want Me So Bad, It's Like Acid In Your Mouth

I got really salty last night when I read that the people behind the Blade Runner and Total Recall remakes are now gunning for Point Break. A sequel has been rumored for ages now, but it's gone nowhere. But this sounds like it might have some legs.

And they want to replace "surfing" with "the world of international extreme sports."

Seriously?

Ten things that are awesome about Point Break:

1. Keanu's acting and line delivery.

2. Patrick Swazye as a zen surfer bank robber. Brilliant.

3. Gary Busey is in it.

4. Lori Petty is in it.

5. It was directed by a chick. A chick who recently won an Oscar.

6. Amazingly quotable dialogue. Seriously. Don't get me started.

7. It introduced me to the word "brah."

8. John C. McGinley's lines.

9. There's a Red Hot Chili Pepper (Anthony Kiedis) in it.

10. The little hand says that it's time to rock.

This movie is so epic it's been adapted for the stage. Called Point Break: LIVE!, it is a hilarious comedy with audience participation. Their schtick is brilliant: every performance they cast the Keanu from the audience and he (or she) gives it their Keanu best with lines read off of cue cards. It's amazing. If it comes to your city, go see it.

Incidentally, The Fast & The Furious is essentially a remake of Point Break, but with cars. Can't we just be happy with the 4857 versions of that franchise instead?

Who can replace Keanu, Busey, and Swayze? I bet that Taylor Lautner kid gets cast.

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Next Up On The Sacrificial Reboot Altar: Beetlejuice

I got a random email from Fandango, the kind I generally delete without reading, but the headline was "Warner Bros to Reboot Beetlejuice?" and so I had to open it. And then I read the article. And then I died a little bit on the inside.

Here's the deal:

Chalk another ‘80s movie up to the reboot/sequel/remake trend. Deadline is reporting that Warner Bros. is set to reboot the 1988 Tim Burton-Michael Keaton comedy Beetlejuice with the intention of advancing the storyline from the original.

The reboot is part of a first-look deal signed by producer/director/writers David Katzenberg and Seth Grahame-Smith. As part of the deal, Grahame-Smith will write two scripts for Warner Bros., with the distinct possibility of Beetlejuice 2 being one of them. The duo collaborated on the MTV series The Hard Times of RJ Berger, based on a short film by Katzenberg about a well-endowed high school nerd.

Grahame-Smith also wrote best-selling novels Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and adapted the script for the latter which is being directed byWanted’s Timur Bekmambetov for a June 22, 2012 release.

"We want to make big movies based on big ideas and inspired by the comedies we grew up loving," Grahame-Smith said.

So it'd likely be Beetlejuice 2. One of the commenters on the site had a fun thought: get Wynona Ryder to reprise her role as Lydia but this time being raising a daughter and the daughter gets into hijinks with Beetlejuice. I GUESS I could accept that.

But here's the thing that kills me: Grahame-Smith wants to pay tribute to the films of the '80s that he grew up with, that inspired him to be creative. So, why not tear a page out of that same playbook and DO something new and creative. You can mock the '80s for a lot of things, really, you can. We all remember the clothing and make-up. But films in the '80s? There was a ton of risky, original thinking going on. Do something original kids, that's how you make a lasting impression.

Stepping off my soapbox now.

Will you watch a Beetlejuice 2? Who the hell can replace Michael Keaton in the title role?

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Romancing The Stone Lives Again

I'd been ignoring the news that there was a potential remake of the Robert Zemeckis film, Romancing the Stone, under discussion, largely because it involved replacing Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas with Katherine Heigel and Gerard Butler, and that's just all kinds of wrong.

Well it turns out the movie project has been killed (yay!) but it's now being optioned by NBC to be reworked as a television series. And the pilot is being directed by Sean Levy (who also directed Night At The Museum).

Instead of going to Columbia, the premise is that the two leads will be traveling the globe looking for Ms. Wilder's missing brother. There's a good chance that the show won't happen for a variety of reasons. I just watched the original film on Netflix Instant a few weeks ago and it was as charming as I'd remembered from my childhood. I hope this thing doesn't see the light of day.

How about you? Ready for more adventures of the writer and the treasure hunter?

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Revisiting Fright Night (Or: Chekov And The Doctor Fight The Undead)

My knee-jerk reaction to any remake, reboot, or "re-imagining" of a movie that I enjoyed is to automatically denounce it as blasphemy. Last year, when I heard about the remake of Fright Night, I was doubly disgusted. It was not only a remake of one of my favorite 80's movies--it was a remake of what I consider to be a really good vampire movie. When I saw the cast list, I was somewhat mollified but still dubious.

And then I went and saw the movie last night. And I loved it.

The new film sticks pretty close to the basic story line of the original. Charlie Brewster (Anton Yelchin--Chekov from the 2009 Star Trek) and his single mom, Jane (Toni Collette) have a new neighbor. Jerry (Colin Farrell) is a charming, handsome, and somewhat mysterious guy who sleeps days and works nights. He seems friendly enough at first. At least until Charlie's friend "Evil" Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse--McLovin from Superbad) tells Charlie that Jerry is a vampire who is responsible for the unusually high number of people who have gone missing lately. Charlie is dubious until Ed disappears and the evidence becomes more than he can ignore. Unfortunately, about the time that Charlie catches on to Jerry, Jerry catches onto Charlie.

With Charlie, Jane, and Charlie's girlfriend Amy (Imogen Poots) all in danger, Charlie must turn to a famous vampire "expert"--Vegas performer Peter Vincent (Doctor Who's David Tennant) for help.

Like I said, the basic bones of the story are the same, and the changes make a lot of sense. Setting the action in Las Vegas instead of whatever unnamed town the first movie was a great move. Vegas has a transient population, made more so by the bad economy. Add to that the fact that people working nights and acting weird is pretty common, and you have a pretty great place for vampires to settle in. It also allowed Peter Vincent to be a Vegas stage act instead of host of a late-night horror show (something that really doesn't exist anymore). The other overall change was that the tone of the film. Although it still has its light moments, the overall mood is a little more dark and sinister. Jerry is much more menacing under his thin veneer of charm. And, of course, the special effects are a lot more convincing (and gory).

After the film was over, my wife and I immediately went home and re-watched the original Fright Night. And, much to our surprise, we made an amazing discovery.

The new one is better than the original.

Part of the reason is probably because the original writer/director, Tom Holland, had a hand in writing the new version. Another is the casting, which was just brilliant. Every actor in the movie is head and shoulders above their counterparts in the 80's film. This is especially true of Tennant's Peter Vincent, who is completely different from Roddy McDowall's version. He's still comedy relief, but his cowardly moments are offset by some real bravery and an actual scholarly knowledge of vampires.

If I had one complaint about the new film, it's that all of the characters find out about and accept that Jerry is a vampire. As a result, the setup at the start of the film seems a little rushed. Other than that, though, the film is paced really good, the action is intense, and the moments of humor (while fewer and farther between than in the original) are excellent. There's even a cameo by Chris Sarandon, who played Jerry in the first film. That was a nice touch.

So, yeah--good stuff! Will the new Fright Night change my mind about railing against remakes of films I consider too good to mess with? Probably not. But it definitely stands as an example that remakes can actually be done well if the original material is treated well.

Conan The Barbarian's Gonna Lament This

One of my most favorite things about mediocre summer blockbusters is the smartly written, snarky, scathing reviews from some movie critics.

Enter, Roger Ebert on Conan the Barbarian:

This Marique, she's a piece of work. She has white pancake makeup, blood red lips, cute little facial tattoos and wickedly sharp metal talons on her fingers. At one point. she blows some magic dust at Conan, and the dust turns into a team of warriors made of sand. This is a neat special effect, although it raises the question if you turn back to sand when Conan slices you, what kind of a life is that?

*snicker*

How about John DeFore at the Washington Post?

If indeed there has been a community of film buffs yearning for a "Conan" reboot, they could hardly be hoping for a more appropriate slab of beef to play him than Jason Momoa - a Hawaiian with muscle tone to make Frank Frazetta weep and perpetually flared nostrils that, one suspects, can smell an enemy's blood long before it spurts from severed arteries.

Those nostrils do a lot of Momoa's acting, to be honest. As right as he is looks-wise, Momoa falls short in attitude: He speaks in one of those trying-too-hard baritones heard in young jocks whose greatest fear is being called gay. Combine his vocal delivery with the obligatory misogyny ("Woman! I said come here!"), and you come dangerously close to Fratboy the Bar-brawler-ian.

*LAUGH* Ouch!

But maybe this review will make you want to see it?

This is the movie for people who like blood, violence and topless women. Who is still reading this review?

So, maybe not all bad, right boys? In 3-D no less! Fess up, who's seeing the movie?

Speaking Of Being Exploited...

The big news out of Hollywood this week is from director Ridley Scott: he's planning to revisit the world of his 1982 sci-fi classic, Blade Runner.

Calm down geeks. Keep reading.

It sounds like it's actually a new story, possibly a prequel or a sequel, or maybe just a whole new story, in the original Blade Runner world. It's likely that it won't involve Harrison Ford either. Scott is on board to direct and produce the new film. I think that the original was rich enough to support a new story in the universe if they get the correct writer on board. It's been awhile since I read the original Philip K. Dick story, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", but I think there were some things in there not covered by the film that could be incorporated into a new story.

I'll be curious to see Scott's upcoming film, Prometheus, which started off as an Alien prequel, but then evolved into something... else. Scott + Damon Lindelof, one of the minds behind LOST and the Star Trek reboot? That could be really interesting. Starring Charlize Theron? She's hot right?

So, come on geeks, are we outraged? I think this could maybe not suck. Am I alone in this? God I hope Sean Young makes an appearance - she's currently appearing with Michael Lohan, Amy Fisher, Bai Ling, and Steven Adler on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. Homegirl needs to get sober and get a job - and she rocked Blade Runner.

Stealing From The '80s Continues

In Hollywood, "what's old is new" seems to be the mantra. Great movies from the '80s seem to be a treasure trove of great ideas for the studios to reboot, remarket, and unleash upon a nostalgic audience.

There's a difference between a long-awaited sequel and a remake. Take Tron and Tron Legacy, for example. I enjoyed the updated sequel and thought it was a great continuation of the original storyline. And then there's Karate Kid 2010, which was a complete bastardization of a film I hold sacred (bowing my head and saying a prayer to Mr. Pat Morita). And don't even get me started on Arthur, Clash of the Titans, Miami Vice, and The A-Team.

A remake of Red Dawn is already in the works and I really don't know how they're going to pull that off. The film was released during the Cold War, so it made sense. Originally, they had the Chinese invading us, but they've since changed it to North Koreans coming to take us over--but not before a group of high school kids foil their plans (think Home Alone but with machine guns).

Here's just a tiny sample of '80s movies that are being planned for a complete reboot:

1. The Last Starfighter (1984): still speculation whether it's a sequel or reboot
2. Footloose  (1984): will be released in October of this year
3. Poltergeist (1982): "They're baaaaaack..."
4. Weird Science (1985): this one makes me want to cry
5. WarGames (1983): not the same without the telephone modem and floppy disk
6. Robocop (1987): this project has changed hands so many times. It'll be a CGI bonanza for sure. Yuck.
7. Ghostbusters (1984): absolute outrage!
8. Short Circuit (1986): Johnny 5 is alive... again
9. The Goonies (1985): they are spreading the original over 4 new films. That's so wrong.
10. Dirty Dancing (1987): this has gotten a lot of press lately. They should just leave this one in the corner.

And if they even think about rebooting The Breakfast Club, I will personally lead a public protest.

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Who Would Put Baby in a Corner AGAIN?

If you're a female of a certain age you pretty much have to admit that you watched Dirty Dancing 3,897,275 times, especially after it came out on VHS. (Yeah, I said it. VHS. What?) I know I wanted to be Frances "Baby" Houseman, even with her awkwardness. Who wouldn't have wanted to hook up with Johnny? He was both bad and good. Swoon!

So I hear that Lions Gate Entertainment is in the works for a Dirty Dancing remake, directed by Kenny Ortega, the choreographer of the original film. The early buzz indicates it will be released in 2013.

I'm not sure how I feel about this remake. Who could play Johnny as well as the late, great Patrick Swayze? (And who could crinkle his nose as cute as him?) Who could play Baby with as much adorable awkwardness as Jennifer Grey (pre-nose job)?

I'm pretty sure I'll stick with the original.

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Ready For Some More Tron?

I know there were mixed reviews on Tron: Legacy. I personally kind of dug it. It maintained that cheesy Tron vibe and the Daft Punk score kind of rocked my world. Well I guess it did enough box office to continue the saga. Well, sort of. There's an animated Tron series coming out, called Tron: Uprising. Here's a look at it:

Pajiba lists a huge number of actors providing voice talent, including Elijah Wood, Mandy Moore, Paul Reubens, Lance Henriksen, and Bruce Boxleitner.

Per news released at Comic-Con, Wood stars as a young program, Beck, and the story happens in the time between the two films. Animated Tron might be the way to go. Would you watch it?

First Look: The Return Of Beavis And Butt-Head

I didn't even realize this was happening.



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Who Else Remembers The Night Stalker?

Anyone else remember watching Kolchak: The Night Stalker back in the day? It was basically the 1970s television precursor to The X-Files and starred Darren McGavin, AKA the dad from A Christmas Story. I remember watching reruns of it as a kid and thinking it was pretty cool.

Anyway, I guess Johnny Depp thinks it's pretty cool too because he just signed to play Kolchak in a full length feature film for Disney. I think that sounds pretty sweet.

If you missed the show, and a lot of people did, it is currently available via Netflix Instant. Check it out, it's pretty fun.

Any other fans of Kolchak?

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They Couldn't Kill It With A Sequel So How About A Remake?

I was reading this article with the director of the new film Horrible Bosses (which I think looks very, very funny) and something lept out at me:

Do you know precisely what's going to be your next project?
No, I know War Games will be, once it's written that'll be. I'm hoping to do a smaller one before that.

I do want to ask about War Games, because it's kind of an interesting concept to bringing that idea into mind. The original is so based in cold war paranoia and new technologies, but how exactly do you bring that into the modern age?
It definitely is rooted in cold war paranoia, it’s definitely rooted in fear more than anything, and I feel like that certainly hasn’t changed. We are very, very afraid, and we’ve taken all these steps to make our country more secure, more safe in ways that actually don’t make us more safe at all. Meanwhile there’s been a real change in hacking, where people can go and often the age of the people who have been going to those places. And you see it weekly, those stories of, NSA was hacked, the White House email was hacked, a LulzSec does it again. There’s all these crazy, I have to say I think it’s actually quite a bit more plausible that someone in this day and age, rather than someone on a modem on their desk at home, war-dialing to hopefully get in to the videogame manufacturer of choice, that someone with some intent goes someplace they don’t mean to go, and starts something they don’t mean to start, like, you can buy that now.

First Look: The Footloose Remake

You know, I kept telling myself this wasn't real, that they weren't really remaking Footloose. But now that an actual trailer exists, I guess there's no denying it anymore.



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Welcome To The Terrordome (Fear 2011)

Having trouble waking up this morning? This video sent over by Archphoenix should do the trick. Here's Public Enemy remaking their classic "Welcome To The Terrordome" with a very manic video.

In The Continuing Quest To Erase Schwarzenegger Films

Arnold Schwarzenegger may now be battling divorce attorneys instead of vicious killers, but his legacy lives on in the form of remakes. First Conan, then Total Recall, and now in the pipeline is a remake of Commando. A script exists and was written by David Ayer, the man who wrote the scripts for Training Day and the original The Fast And The Furious flick. So we know the dude can write a decent action film.

Here's my idea: the commando (Chris Hemsworth (Thor) who is shirtless the WHOLE TIME) has to rescue his daughter, who is played by Miley Cyrus. But instead of saving her at the end, she's sadly knocked off the top of a really tall building and plummets to hear death. Turns out, it's the top of a concert hall and it's the end of a Justin Bieber concert. She falls on top of Justin as he's leaving the stage door and they both go splat. The end fades to black with the sound of wailing 12 year old girls as the credits roll. Cuz that movie I'd watch. Any other Commando remake? Lame. It's just not that great of a film and the only reason it was watchable was because of Arnold.

Recently on Twitter someone pointed out that Peter Dinklage and Hugh Laurie kind of have a similar vibe and look and mannerisms. Here's my idea: Peter Dinklage and Hugh Laurie remake Twins. If I had any kind of Photoshop skills I'd make that poster. (Brats - feel free to take a crack at it.) And Hollywood, when this project inevitably happens, you saw it here first and I want $1 million dollars for the idea.

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American Psycho: A Rumor Coming True

Rumors of American Psycho: The Musical have been running around the internet for several years but it sounds like it's actually going to happen. Duncan Sheik has written 14 new songs for the show, which might sound odd but he actually wrote songs for the Tony-award-winning musical Spring Awakening several years ago. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa is halfway through the script. This guy has a crazy resume: he's a respected playwright who is also a pretty popular Marvel comics writer. Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is currently leveraging that background to help fix their script since they fired director Julie Taymor.

On the one hand, unless there's a naked, chainsaw wielding Christian Bale in it, I'm not sure I'm interested.

(I honestly love that he kept the white sneakers on in that scene.)

On the other hand, this might be terribly funny, and not entirely on purpose.

To be fair, there is a lot of talk about music in the film and Patrick Bateman does enjoy Les Miserables so maybe the notion isn't as insane as it sounds? Too bad Huey Lewis isn't scoring the show.

I know I'll be checking theatre listings in 2012. Anyone else?

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Can The Italian Stallion Sing And Dance?

It's bad enough that Hollywood has run out of ideas and is remaking everything in sight but Broadway's been on a trend of musical-fying movies as stage shows lately. Legally Blonde: The Musical. Xanadu: The Musical (on roller skates!). Hairspray. The Producers. Catch Me If You Can (currently on Broadway). The infamous Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark (cuz superheroes are so in right now). Next up?

Rocky: The Musical.

I'm not even kidding.

This part of the article absolutely made me howl with laughter:

"At first I thought, all the world needs is a Rocky musical," Mr. Meehan said. "But then I looked at the film. I thought it had beautiful construction and such high emotion, and it was a natural musical: There is a David and Goliath story, a Cinderella story, a love story between two outcasts. It's less about boxing than about finding self-respect and finding your soul mate."

It's so true, all the world needs is a Rocky musical. I'd pay money to see Rocky III as a musical. Between "Eye of the Tiger" and Mr. T, you've got a show I'm telling ya. Or Rocky IV, the epic Russian duel? It'd be like Chess but with boxers instead of, you know, chess players. I bet Dolph Lundgren and Brigitte Nielsen are available to reprise their roles. And I bet they can get that guy from ABBA to do another score. (Yo Sly, I thought of this first, I want a cut of the back-end here!)

I sincerely doubt that "Adriiiiiian!" is the new "Stellllllla!" but we'll see. Sly's on board as a producer and whatnot since he wrote and owns Rocky so I think this oughta be fun. And by "fun" I mean "terrible." But think of the montage, live and on stage.

Now I just want to see the musical version of The Expendables and I can die a happy woman.

Any ideas for other movies that Broadway oughta snap up? Come on, bring the snark, I know you Brats have it in you.

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Total Re-do

In the continuing quest to remake every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie ever made, Hollywood's now remaking Total Recall.

But check out this cast list. The role of Ahnold will be played by Colin Ferrell. Kate Beckinsale (Underworld) will play Ferrell's wife; Jessica Biel (Blade Trinity) his girlfriend. John Cho (Harold & Kumar, Star Trek) plays the rep that talks Ferrell into the implant process. Bryan Cranston (Malcolm In The Middle, Breaking Bad) is the lead villain. Ethan Hawke has a small undisclosed role. And Bill Nighy (Underworld, Love, Actually) is in talks to play Kuato, the revolutionary. The project is being directed by Len Wiseman (Underworld, Mr. Kate Beckinsale) and is in production right now.

I have to say, that's a whole lot of actors that I really like. Though I don't think anyone can replace the awesomeness that is Michael Ironside. Who's up for another Philip K. Dick flick?

Here's the original trailer in case you need a refresher:

I'd Like Whatever They're Smoking

Clearly they're smoking the very best stuff in Hollywood because no sober person would have come up with this latest idea.

On deck is a remake of the Jean Claude Van Damme film Bloodsport. Seriously. And Phillip Noyce (Salt, Rabbit Proof Fence) is on board to direct. Bloodsport. Seriously.

Not familiar with the '80s awesomeness of Bloodsport? Just watch this video. It removes all the boring plot and makes it what it should be: an epic fighting montage set to a cheesy song.



I like a good block of Velveeta as much as the next girl but this project needs to die.