SmackTalk Victim: Ke$ha, "Die Young"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Ke$ha's "Die Young." Hope ya love it!



Robin: Great! I love "Seven Nation Army!"

Chris: True story: I almost bought a light blue-colored hearse back in my younger days. My then-girlfriend talked me out of it.



Chris: Is Ke$ha dead? Or is this some sort of really weird tour rider?

Archphoenix: This is like some weird San Francisco Day of the Dead Pride parade. So yes, I kind of love it.



Chris: C'mon. There's no way Ke$ha can be a member of the Illuminati, right?

Archphoenix: I think Illuminati have to wear pants, Chris. So no.

SmackTalk Victim: Neon Trees, "Lessons In Love (All Day, All Night)"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Neon Trees' "Lessons In Love (All Day, All Night)." Hope ya love it!



Dufmanno: Seventeen seconds in and there is a little bit of a grindhouse vibe to this.

Archphoenix: That's funny because at the same time I was thinking "she's like an '80s Taylor Swift wannabe." So yeah, definitely grindhouse.

Chris: This Afterschool Special isn't going to end well.



Chris: Is that the teacher from The Wall? This definitely isn't going to end well.



Hillary: I have a very strong feeling that this guy and Miley Cyrus have the same hairdresser.

SmackTalk Victim: Hyper Crush, "Bad Boyz"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Hyper Crush's "Bad Boyz." Hope ya love it!



Archphoenix: Has anyone ever actually seen a nerd with taped up-glasses?

Robin: Especially not a nerd who has perfect bone structure like this guy.



Archphoenix: Hey I'd heard MySpace was making a comeback!



Chris: Finally! I was wondering when we'd get around to SmackTalking some porn!

SmackTalk Victim: Cat Power, "Cherokee"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Cat Power's "Cherokee." Hope ya love it!



Chris: Fair is fair, Billie Jean!

Archphoenix: Ok, four seconds in I'm going with this prediction: at some point there will be zombies in this desert because they are so hot right now. Cherokee zombies.



Dufmanno: I'm not sure why this is bothering me, but I feel like she should have her wallet in her back pocket and not on the ground like that because Desert Gypsies or Mad Max or Toe Cutter could get hold of it.

Chris: The desert: the last place you can freely smoke in America.



Archphoenix: Post-apocalyptic desert and you have a shiny super soaker? On the one hand, hey, water! On the other hand, really?

SmackTalk Victim: LMFAO, "Sexy And I Know It"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It." Hope ya love it!



Archphoenix: Is this the evil twin version of Meneudo? Or some kind of hideous Meneudo/Jersey Shore hipster ironic mashup?

CroutonBoy: Allow me to be the first to yell out "SIDESHOW BOB!"

Didactic Pirate: Twenty seconds in, and already I can't tell if this is supposed to ironic or not.



Archphoenix: Wilmer Valderrama?! Oh Fez, why aren't you still working? Maybe this is why?

Chris: We all know where this is headed: a "Beat It" switchblade dance-off in a warehouse somewhere.

SmackTalk Victim: Meital Dohan's "Yummy Boyz"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Meital Dohan's "Yummy Boyz." Hope ya love it!



Dufmanno: I can already tell that this video will have educational value or historical significance.

Jett Superior: Yes. Abe Lincoln is the epitome of hotness.



Archphoenix: There is nothing "so hot" about this shirtless Napolean.

A Vapid Blonde: Napolean reminds me of just about every *lady* I dealt with this summer. Pursing his lips and showing off his... chesticles.

Jett Superior: Nope, never wanted to see the bare torso of Napoleon Bonaparte. Or one of his unattractive lookalikes.

SmackTalk Victim: Die Antwoord, "Rich Bitch"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Die Antwoord's "Rich Bitch." Hope ya love it!



Archphoenix: AH! Vampire skeleton lady! Seriously, why does she weigh 12 pounds?



Archphoenix: Ok, this guy is awesome. Holographic skull glasses and a flattop.

Daddy Geek Boy: I remember those glasses. I used to have them. I thought they were cool. I was 8.

Daddy Geek Boy: A weird look and auto-tune does not a Gaga make.

SmackTalk Victim: Ke$ha, "Blow"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at our first two-time offender, the music video for Ke$ha's "Blow." Hope ya love it!



Daddy Geek Boy: Good, cause we wouldn't want PETMA protesting this video.

CroutonBoy: I see the ASPCA has extended its jurisdiction.



CroutonBoy: 14 seconds in and her voice is already making me wish they would gore her with their horns.

Daddy Geek Boy: Those unicorns look bored. Think to them Ke$ha sounds like an adult from a Peanuts cartoon?



Dufmanno: I'm not sure if it's just me but did she roll in mud before filming this?

The Weirdgirl: Dufmanno, I think those are freckles. Or acne. Either way, I can't shake the feeling that she should be in pigtails.

SmackTalk Victim: Avril Lavigne, "What The Hell"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the music video for Avril Lavigne's "What The Hell." Hope ya love it!

Chris: For a rebel, Avril sure does keep her shoes neat and tidy.

A Vapid Blonde: If I go to bed with that much make up on, I wake up looking like Crack Whore Barbie. That's not fair.

Archphoenix: I totally wake up after a hot date with my lip gloss and eye makeup immaculate.

The Weirdgirl: I'd like to dispel a myth, NO ONE sleeps in black lace bras. They itch.

SmackTalk Victim: Bag Raiders, "Sunlight"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the cute but creepy music video for Bag Raiders' "Sunlight." Hope ya love it!



Chris: Is this Animal Planet?



Didactic Pirate: Is that Scarlett Johanssen? No. But pretty good match.

SmackTalk Victim: The Darkness, "Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the most awesome video for "Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)." Hope ya love it!

Daddy Geek Boy: Anyone else expecting a few bats to fly through this shot?

Jenny On the Spot: Nice pants.

Dufmanno: I am already in love with this.

Didactic Pirate: My grandma gave me pair of white and gold striped pants just like those last Christmas. I wear them all the time.

Chag: This looks like my family's Christmas card.

Jenny On the Spot: Nice… vest?

Dufmanno: SWEATER VEST!

Chag: A double-necked guitar? Someone was a good boy this year!

Daddy Geek Boy: Aw man, I wanted the one with three frets!

Dufmanno: Are those tears streaming down his face or has his sparkle eyeshadow started to run?

Didactic Pirate: This would be glamtastic even without the glitter under the eyes.

Jenny On the Spot: That's weird. That would freak me out if one of my ornaments did that.

Dufmanno: He misses that lady in the ball. I think.

Chag: The holidays always bring friends closer together.

Daddy Geek Boy: Whatever you boys need to do to keep warm. I just don’t know how he's going to explain this to the girl in the ball.

A Vapid Blonde: There is the cabin. In the Woods. And dueling guitars. It's like the creepy version of Deliverance.

Chag: Wait. I thought Deliverance WAS the creepy version of Deliveranace.

Jenny On the Spot: Not hot.

Daddy Geek Boy: Just what is he doing under that sack?

Didactic Pirate: Someone gets a thong, and someone else gets a robot. Weirdest Secret Santa ever.

Chag: I hope I get a gun that shoots laser tampons for Christmas.

Daddy Geek Boy: Maybe it's the geek in me, but I’d be way more excited about getting robots and laser guns than these guys.

Dufmanno: When robots appear, things start to go downhill.

Didactic Pirate: Gah! Singing robot climbing on shoulder! Get it off! Off! Off!

Jenny On the Spot: That outfit? Made out of wrong.

Dufmanno: Wow. White lace up side leather pants. I’ve not seen a pair of those in A WHILE . They are still unappealing.

Daddy Geek Boy: If I were those kids' parents, I would not let them carol at the Darkness house.

Didactic Pirate: Part of me thinks this freakin' rocks, while another part of me wants to call Child Protective Services.

Jenny On the Spot: My 8 y.o. is watching with me. She asked, "Is that a boy?" and my 5 y.o. says, "he looks like a girl."

Didactic Pirate: Remember Flash Gordon? If I close my eyes, I'd swear this is the music playing when Flash battled the Hawkmen.

Jenny On the Spot: 11 y.o. son says, "Did they TRY to make him look like a girl?" 5 y.o. daughter added, "And he SINGS like a girl."

Dufmanno: He likes kids. This and the Christmas sweater he’s wearing takes him up a notch in my book.

Daddy Geek Boy: NO KIDS, DO NOT GO IN THERE!

Daddy Geek Boy: The girl’s been in the car by herself, out in the cold this whole time?

Didactic Pirate: And to all a good--- wait! It wasn't over! UFO! Sweet!

Dufmanno: Why? It didn't need the spaceship.

SmackTalk Victim: Ke$ha, "We R Who We R"

Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the video for Ke$ha's "We R Who We R." Hope ya love it!



Didactic Pirate: I feel like the message of every Ke$ha song is: "Screw you, Mom. Like, when I'm 18? I'm like, soooooo getting my own apartment."



Daddy Geek Boy: I want to comment on this video, but I can't get past her '80s style bedazzled eyebrows. They're freaking me out!

Chag: This is like Mad Max meets Xanadu. Which sounds a lot hotter in my head than what I'm seeing.



Dufmanno: Her glass shard ensemble looks like what would have happened if she were wearing a mirror and I punched her in the gut.

Chag: Someone tell her neck-uh-lace only has two syllables.

Dufmanno: I had the same issue with the pronunciation of neck-UH-lace. Except I went for help with this terrible problem and was cured of my need to massacre innocent words

A Vapid Blonde: Uh that neck-uh-lace, lace laz is an earring ring, ring!

Dufmanno: Is SEXYFIED even real word?

Dufmanno: Because this video is so bad, my mind has begun to wander and I've got to tell you this tunnel looks like the same one that the Terminator chased Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor through at the end of the movie. Now THAT movie was great. This? Not so much.



Dufmanno: She is wearing metallic Chicklets glued to her nails? There's just so much wrong that the neural pathways in my head are starting to short circuit.

The Weirdgirl: With the stud eyebrows and nugget nails, would you hit that, guys? Would you hit it HARD?

The Weirdgirl: BTW, Lady Gaga wants her clothes back. But you go on being who you R.

Chag: Your dancing isn't the only thing that's dumb, dear.

Didactic Pirate: Tomorrow's headline: "Teen dance party causes traffic jam in Holland tunnel. Onlooking drivers cheer as fast-moving semi clears path by mowing down youths."

Dufmanno: So see, here's the problem: you WON'T be "forever young" and that's where the part about career longevity and talent comes in.

Didactic Pirate: Wait a minute... is Ke$ha not wearing her Purity ring? Shocking.



Didactic Pirate: The DJ is perusing her online dating prospects. Which makes sense. It's so hard for a hot 20 year-old in shredded clothing to meet new people.

Dufmanno: O.K. What does Plenty Of Fish have to do with this song? Nothing.

Daddy Geek Boy: Plenty of Fish is a good name for a band though.

The Weirdgirl: Hi, I'm Ke$ha and I approve of drinking while online dating. Because that always turns out well.



Chag: You don't think Tequila Revolucion paid for these gratuitous close-ups, do you?

Dufmanno: Ech, Tequila. I had a great relationship with him until I dug a hole at the beach one day , threw him up, and buried him.



Chag: What the hell's up with the close-up of the watch? More product placement?

The Weirdgirl: Was that Madonna's watch? Warning to pop stars: don't leave Ke$ha alone in your closet.

Didactic Pirate: Was that a Swatch?



The Weirdgirl: Smurfette! You're so sexy.

Didactic Pirate: This chick has so much auto-tune on her voice she sounds like WOPR from War Games. "Would. You. Like. To. Play. A. Game?"

A Vapid Blonde: Ah, I get it now. The glitter is so heavy on her lips that she can't smile. Poor sad pouty Ke$ha.



Dufmanno: Is there any way to have this video banned based on the fact that she's wearing a torn up American Flag?



A Vapid Blonde: Please, please, please say this is the end of the video.



A Vapid Blonde: Damn, saved by a rip in the time space continuum.

The Weirdgirl: Is she still alive?



A Vapid Blonde: It's like "fronts" for your eyebrows. I do see this trend catching on, really I do.

Daddy Geek Boy: I'm not a fan of Ke$ha or this video, but I will be singing this damn song for the rest of the day.

A Vapid Blonde: Well it's better than the "Your Love is My Drug" video, which made me want to pour gasoline on my screen and light it on fire.

The Weirdgirl: Can we make a CB video? We can throw glue and glitter on each other. Jump up and down. Here's some lyrics: We'll be forever young with hot pants up our bum / All dance and drink, (robot voice) we won't go extinct. Chorus: Jump, $tump, rump hump and pump! repeat!