Mustaches Of The '80s

You've probably seen them: mustache icons popping up everywhere. Necklaces, tee shirts, posters, red cup party pics, and the girl with the mustache drawn on her upper lip. At first I only saw them at obscure craft fairs of the indie variety, but now they seem to be crossing into the mainstream. I've seen them at Target on coffee mugs and ironic mustache-shaped corkboards for the college-bound set (sending Irony to weep hysterically in a dark room). I swear to God, I saw a car the other day with a giant mustache decal across the front, which elicited exactly the same response from me as the first time I saw Ed Hardy Chianti: "Enough already."

I'm not holding out any hope that's gonna happen, though. The young people find mustaches hilarious. And to be honest, (and totally aging myself), I just don't get it.

But I have a theory! See, the young folks today grew up in a relatively clean-shaven world. For a long time, all you'd see would be the occasional well-trimmed goatee, super groomed chin patch, or maybe a wee bit of five o'clock shadow on the bad boy. They were not traumatized by facial hair the way our generation was! They didn't have to deal with all the '70s and '80s scruffiness, sideburns, muttonchops, and huge mountain man beards that were terrifying and scratched the hell out of us when some adult wanted a hug. The newer generations seem to think mustaches are cool, even gentlemanly, (and they are in small doses or when raising awareness for cancer) because they don't know any better!

However, I have a few historical points to illustrate the potential trauma of the mustache.

First and foremost, this was the voice of authority (sort of). Geraldo always looked like if he was late one particular morning, he might run out of the house without trimming (God forbid), and then his lip hairs might jump right through the TV and strangle us. It could happen.

McFly! Get Me Some New Shoes!

Cinemablend tipped me off to something AWESOME. Look at what Nike's working on:



Dude! Self lacing Nikes! There better be some hoverboards in the works too!

Admit it, you want them.

I'd Love To Press Her... Too Easy

Sadly, you can no longer buy this swimsuit but you can still bask in its utter awesomeness.



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Not Just For Comic-Con

Oh laaaaadies, Buzzfeed found the ultimate dress for us girls from the '80s who loved to get their Nintendo on.

Hot, right? I'm actually not sure what I love more, the dress or those shoes. You an wear that get up anywhere. As long as "anywhere" is "Comic-Con" or a play about Dungeons and Dragons. And yet, the ensemble is way less creepy than this dress:

Really? Buscemi? As a dress?

And here's a bonus for you all, just because nothing says sexy like a shark swimming out of your crotch:

We're gonna need a bigger boat.

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To The Max

I just don't get the maxi dress. Or maybe it's just that it's done wrong so often. There are some great long dresses out there, but this whole maxi dress thing... the idea behind it is you can be casual and breezy AND glamorous. And something about it being flattering (?), too, but so often it just seems to scream, "I didn't shave today!"

In this dress everyone will be sure to focus on my tiny head! (And not the secret pregnancy I've been hiding.) Eyes up here, mister!



Who needs a boat when you have a sail?

Be That Girl: Our Interview With Bettie Page Clothing's Tatyana Khomyakova And Jan Glaser

When I heard that Bettie Page Clothing, a line based on the glamorous styles of the 1950s and named after the famous pinup star Bettie Page, was open for interviews I jumped at the chance to speak with them. I have long been a vintage clothing hunter and Bettie Page Clothing produces the best blend of modernized but retro dresses and clothes. Today, I'm talking with the co-founders of Bettie Page Clothing, Russian-born designer Tatyana Khomyakova and her husband and commercial financier Jan Glaser.

How are you today?
TATYANA: Hi, I'm fine. How are you?

Good! So what is it that you love about the 1950s style?
TATYANA: What I like is how feminine all the styles are. They are just like really classy and ladylike. It is really difficult to find styles like that now. As you know everybody is wearing the same short dresses and they don't look very feminine. They look... hmm... let me find the word for that. It's a not very appropriate word, I know, but... slutty.

Like Easter Baskets For Your Feet

This isn't terribly rock and roll, it's definitely not indie, and I don't even think it's going to have the potential for some scandalous celebrity mishap but I cannot help but want these! It's the D&G Spring/Summer 2011 line of floral fabulous shoes. Perhaps I've just got buds, rabbits, and everything spring fluffy on the brain but there is just something about kicking away the rain clouds in flower power wedges that makes my heart go a-flutter. Sue me.

Red? Floral? Wedges? WANT!

Spring Is In the Air, and Up Your Shorts

Don't you feel the warm, golden sunshine, and hear the twittering of birds while you're sniffing the first of the spring flowers? Yeah, me neither. So of course trying to survive the blustery cold weather is the perfect time to think about shorts!

Two hot trends for shorts right now are.... wait for it... leather and lace! (Damn it, Madonna, this is all your fault.) Now I'm sure in the secret mountaintop lair where fashion designers meet to sip Manhattans and discuss upcoming apparel as a takeover strategy (oh, you know they do it), shorts in unconventional fabrics sounded like a fabulous idea. "Oh dahling! It will be so chic! Leather will elevate the whole outfit! And the masses could certainly use some elevating! *titter titter*" It's not even as if I've never seen a pair of leather or lace shorts done well. (I just won't be grabbing a pair to chase my kid around in anytime soon.) But in the end it is always those few pieces that make even Fashion (capital F) look back and say, "What were we thinking?"

Leather running shorts. Can't you just see Richard Simmons wearing these for those dressier workouts?

Fashion Taking Flight... Right Out Of Its Head

Feathers have been on the rise in fashion, and with Fashion Week coming up (Fashion Week!), all rumors are pointing to the trend continuing. Now I love a good feathery accessory: a flapperesque hair band or a feathered fringe on a dress? SO CUTE! But I lean towards less is more when it comes to having Mr. Bluebird on my shoulder, or collar, or derriere. And since this column has never been about restraint, let's take a look at some birds in the bush!

First off is not just a little feather flirtation... we've got the whole bird. The rarely seen Brown Crested Waif in her natural habitat:



Red Bull gives you wings:



Feathers are great for figure-flattering a small chest! Whether you use them to add volume, detract with a jungle print (it's camouflage!), or by placing strategic wisps and then just not wearing a bra, you're sure to avoid A-cup cattiness.

On The Road With Jac Vanek

Shortly before the holidays, we had the chance to chat with Jac Vanek, owner of her own line of accessories and clothing at the young age of 23! She's toured with the Vans Warped Tour and Bamboozle, and just recently appeared at Bloomingdales in New York. Jac is the kind of gal who is very easy to talk to and interesting to boot. I could tell from the get-go that I could easily go on a million fun tangents with her and I would need to restrain myself.

It was hard.

My first question, actually, is Jac short for anything? Because I've been dying of curiosity.
Yeah, it's actually short for Jacquelene, and I started going by Jac when I was 15 or 16 when I first started immersing myself in the whole music industry because people could never, never pronounce my name right. It was always like Jacki or Jaclyn or something like that, so I was like, "You know what, I'm going to shorten it to Jac. It'll be easy, and you can't mispronounce it."

Jac Vanek
CREDIT: Claire Oring

So can you tell us a little bit about how you got started?
Yeah. I actually got started with the bracelets. And I started a few years ago while I was still in college. And I basically took $200.00 – that's all the extra money that I had at the time – and I put it into making the first bracelet that I had which is the RUTHLESS bracelet. I probably got 20 of them made. I sent them off to some of my friends in bands and some of my friends that are kind of more well known. And they supported me, and then their friends just started asking about it and fans, and it kind of just slowly expanded from that.