First Look: The Gathering Of The Juggalos Infomercial

It's that time again! Make those travel plans now because ICP has your itinerary:

First Look: American Juggalo

What's that? It's Friday, and you're in the mood for a twenty-three minute Juggalo documentary?

Well here ya go!

THE END IS NIGH: Jack White Collaborates With Insane Clown Posse

Seriously.

This ain't no mashup.

Jack White produced the new Insane Clown Posse single, "Leck Mich Im Arsch."

And oh yeah, the band raps over Mozart in the track.



Want more? Listen to the song below:



[source]

(I still can't believe this is true. I'm just going to lie to myself and believe someone's damn talented with Photoshop.)

So Vanilla Ice Is A Juggalo Now?

The scariest part of this Gathering Of The Juggalos (NSFW) infomercial? I'm afraid Ice Cube's a Juggalo by default.

Eazy's crying in heaven, Cube.



[source]

Juggalo Island Redux

Recently we here at Culture Brats paid a quick but memorable visit to Juggalo Island to have a go at Insane Clown Posse's almost purposeful low budget romp with mixed results. A strange brew of revulsion and fascination swirled around us as we spent the day in clown face, drinking cheap beer and scratching our heads over how much the song sounded like a hardcore Sugar Ray tune.

Anyway, after all this our fearless leader and ace investigative reporter Chag, uncovered (okay he just read it on the internet) this glittering gem of vital importance via The Guardian:

ICP are evangelical Christians. (?) (!)

All that cursing, talking about hos, rape, and murder was a ploy to pique your interest so you could uncover the REAL message lurking right below the murky surface of the toxic sludge-filled body of water that surrounds Juggalo Island.

It's all about God.

What?

Is this their Dallas moment where everyone comes back from a summer of reruns and unimaginable tension, only to find out that Bobby Ewing is NOT dead and that the whole previous season was in fact a big stupid disappointing time waster of a dream?

We've been duped!

I am wearing my sad clown face now mostly because greasepaint is running down my cheeks with the tracks of the tears caused by this revelation.

Sorry, ICP. I had 12 years of nuns that used rulers as advanced weaponry so nothing can top the shock and terror of those life lessons, but I wait with bated breath to see how this pans out for you.

If you need me I'll be on my aluminum fold-out chair watching the sunset on Juggalo Island.

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SmackTalk Victim: Insane Clown Posse, "Juggalo Island"

Hello and welcome to Smacktalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the video for Insane Clown Posse's "Juggalo Island." Hope ya love it!



Archphoenix: I like that it starts off with a nice, peaceful, glowy cabin in the wilderness. This is going to be a nice video, right? (0:05)

Dufmanno: Is it me, or do these people seem to only be giving a half-hearted attempt at looking like they are enjoying their time on Juggalo Island? (0:13)

The Weirdgirl: Wait till the booze kicks in. (0:14)

Chag: Wow. KISS sounds weird. (0:15)

Daddy Geek Boy: Wow. KISS got fat. (0:16)

Dufmanno: Food on the fire, boats on the water, hundreds of ample bosomed women drinking large quantities of beer: this could be the opening sequence for Piranha 2. (0:18)

Dufmanno: No poor quality video is complete without the "ruler spank." (0:25)

Archphoenix: That dirty clown man just totally ruined The Little Mermaid for me. That is NOT what Ariel and Prince Erik did in the water. (0:28)

Chag: "I got my dick in your hot dog bun?" Please tell me that's a euphemism and not lunch. (0:34)

Archphoenix: Oh dear God. I'm so glad I never eat hot dogs. I'd have to give them up after that lyric. (0:34)

Archphoenix: Wait, did that clown man say something about him wearing a Speedo? There goes breakfast. Seriously, why did I think I could eat and watch this? (0:43)

Chag: Is this Sugar Ray? (0:58)

Daddy Geek Boy: Sugar Ray got fat. (0:59)

Daddy Geek Boy: We've got sun, women, food, music. If only Ron Jeremy were here. (1:00)

Dufmanno: Stop jumping with that puppy! (1:02)

A Vapid Blonde: OH! I get why Ron Jeremy is here. It's that whole dick in a bun thing from earlier. (1:05)

A Vapid Blonde: Welcome to Juggalo Island, where all of your zombie needs are met. Even corpse on the grill. (1:23)

The Weirdgirl: I think I need some of what that guy's smoking to get through the rest of this. (1:36)

A Vapid Blonde: Wow, that guy's boobs are WAY bigger then mine! Time to do the motorboat on Juggalo Island. (1:39)

Dufmanno: We seem to have questionable water quality on Juggalo Island. I'm starting to believe it may in fact be a Superfund site. (1:54)

Daddy Geek Boy: Burning Man ain't what it used to be. (2:08)

A Vapid Blonde: This is like some horrible mash up of Killer Clowns From Outer Space and Wicker Man. (2:16)

Chag: It's been nearly two minutes. Are we just pretending like we didn't see the girls in the thongs? (2:20)

The Weirdgirl: Are you kidding? Those thongs were the least nightmare-inducing image here. Bring 'em back! (2:22)

Chag: That's not a hatchet. Or a dead hula girl, for that matter. (2:37)

Dufmanno: It's already running about one minute over what the normal human can tolerate. Edit, people! (3:09)

Dufmanno: Vin Diesel? (3:22)

The Weirdgirl: I used to be a little "clown-curious" but now I'm not. Not. At. All! (3:25)

A Vapid Blonde: I think that dog was just signing the words, "HELP ME." (3:33)

Chag: No wonder! Did you see that freaky Day-Glo clown next to it? (3:33)

Dufmanno: I feel like I just kicked a puppy and I'm not sure why. (3:45)

Chag: Juggalo Island: Worst Spring Break Ever. (3:45)

Daddy Geek Boy: It's comforting to know that middle age will even mellow out the ICP. (3:46)

A Vapid Blonde: Now I can't stop singing, "Ha ha ha ha ha!" And I feel high. (3:46)