First Look: A Christmas Story 2

Remember how we talked about the fact that a sequel to A Christmas Story was coming direct to video? And remember how we were all disgusted? Well here's the trailer from the studio. And it's... wow.



Why on EARTH are they billing this as the "official sequel" anyway? Do they realize that because it's just so horribly bad that people will pass on it automatically and hope those words somehow make it suck less? Because they don't. They really, really don't. Let's help re-title this for them.

A Christmas Story 2 (Bad Ralphie Didn't Shoot His Eye Out)
A Christmas Story 2: The Studio Write-off
A Christmas Story 2: All Out of Ideas

If This Keeps Up, MTV Might Start Showing Music Videos Again

Unless you've been living under a rock, you're probably aware that MTV announced they won't be filming more episodes of Jersey Shore. But don't fret! Just wait another 10-20 years and it'll be back on again!

What makes me say that? MTV has been mining its archives the past few years. They created new episodes of Beavis And Butt-Head and also brought back 120 Minutes and House Of Style.

Thankfully, they're not the only ones looking to MTV's past for entertainment's future. Over the weekend, I discovered that one of the greatest shows to ever air on MTV is making a comeback on the web.

Tom Hardy And Bang Bang Chicken: Both Recommended By Mel Gibson

In January of 1996, during a visit to the UK, friends and I patronized a posh Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of the Knightsbridge neighborhood where we were staying. Just hours before our arrival, Mel Gibson had exited with his companions after enjoying a meal he deemed "superb." The waitstaff stood proudly over our menu-holding posse while brandishing a large scratch pad and spinning the now famous story of Mad Max And The Glorious Bang Bang Chicken. It would become legend because Mel and his mates apparently were in stitches, repeating the words "bang bang chicken" in a bizarre and animated manner until the dish actually arrived. Then everyone ate and went home. Faced with the idea that we might be bold enough to reject the entree that had actually pushed its way down the gullet of an Aussie superstar mere hours before our arrival, the head waiter leveled a stern look at our table and told us without words exactly what we should be ordering.

We obeyed.

Cut to 2012 and a devastating downward spiral has befallen the juggernaut of yesteryear. His career is all but extinguished due to a series of bad choices, off-color rants, drunken escapades, and all-around jackassery. Nowadays it would be fair to say that getting the stamp of approval from Gibson would be considered faint praise indeed. As a matter of fact, some might consider it more toxic than the kiss of death, with one exception. Mad Max.

A Christmas Story... TWO?!

A Christmas Story is one of my all time favorite films because, well, it's genius. From the FRAGILE leg lamp to the frozen tongue on the fly pole, it's a holiday film with a little something for everyone.

So I was incredibly saddened to hear that Warner Brothers is about to release a direct-to-DVD sequel.

Seriously. Featuring Daniel Stern as the father. Remember him? You likely last saw him getting smashed in the face by Macaulay Culkin and his wily house traps.

One a list of terrible movie ideas, I think this is worse than the ALF reboot, the Total Recall reboot, and the Red Dawn reboot COMBINED.

First Look: Red Dawn

We've been talking about the remake of Red Dawn for a long, long, long time. Usually when a film is shelved this long, it's because it really sucks. That's not (entirely?) the case here: they did go back and do some reshoots, but ultimately the delay came because the studio making the film (MGM) filed for bankruptcy and things got all tied up in court and blah blah no money blah blah. Ironically, the delay may actually help the film because the leading men, virtual unknowns when they filmed the thing several years ago, are all having a moment: Chris Hemsworth (Thor) and Josh Hutcherson (Peeta in the Hunger Games) are both pretty hot right now.

Anyway, they've finally got a release date (November 21st), a poster, some images, and the first trailer. So here goes, the first look at the remake of the '80s flick Red Dawn! Wolverines are go!



So yes, it's still commies invading, but it's North Koreans and not Russians (or Chinese as it was in the original draft of the remake). Yes, it's some American kids (played by a couple of Aussies) fighting to take back their town. And yes, it did say Connor Cruise, Tom Cruise's adopted son, was in it. Oh and it's the directorial debut of Dan Bradley, a veteran stunt choreographer. Oscar nominee, am I right? Ah well, more Thor isn't a bad thing (according to my mom).

That Wise-Cracking Cat-Eating Alien is Back

News broke this week that Sony Pictures has picked up the rights to the '80s sitcom, ALF, so that it can develop a new CGI=hybrid ALF movie, ala the Smurfs. Same director of the Smurf film and everything. I found the show mildly amusing back in the day, but I caught a few episodes of this recently and man it's not aged well. Also, wasn't he (spoiler alert!) captured by the military in a rather depressing unresolved finale?

No word on whether it's a retelling of the ALF story, or further adventures of the furry alien after he someone escaped from military jail but you know what? Who cares either way? Because this little slice of the '80s can stay in the '80s as far as I'm concerned.

Anyone a super huge ALF fan and excited by this news?

Total Recall Trailer #2

The latest Total Recall trailer has a fun wink to the past.



Three breasted alien lady!

Did anyone else get a bit of a Blade Runner vibe off this one?

First Look: Total Recall With Totally Hot People

They've remade Total Recall with a pretty hot cast: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, John Cho (!?!), Bryan Cranston, and Bill Nighy. The first trailer came out and it looks pretty good for a film that didn't need to be remade. The Paul Verhoeven film is actually pretty entertaining.



Can I just say, director Len Wiseman should get some kind of award for always making his wife, Kate Beckinsale, a really hot badass chick? This remake looks watchable, right? But will it have a three breasted alien? Internet says yes! Whew. I just hope Kuato also still exists.

Triple Your Pleasure

I think we can all agree that Twins is obviously Arnold Schwarzenegger's greatest film accomplishment, am I right?

Entertainment Weekly just confirmed that a sequel, entitled Triplets, is currently in the works. The kicker? The third, heretofore missing son is slated to be played by... Eddie Murphy.

Arnie, Danny, and Eddie. Yes please.

Also from that EW article, did you know that Twins was Schwarzenegger's highest grossing comedy and one of the most successful films for both Danny DeVito and director Ivan Reitman? That's kind of insane.

I'd love to see Eddie Murphy get back into, you know, watchable adult comedy. Maybe he was good in that Tower Heist flick that just came out but this seems like a perfect Murphy reboot vehicle. Who's with me in thinking that this has potential to be really very funny, or possibly the worst thing put to film? I don't think there's a lot of middle ground here.

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Garbage Pail Kids Strike Back

I came across some horrifying news the other day. Michael Eisner, you know, the former CEO of Disney? Yeah that guy. He's working on bringing the Garbage Pail Kids back to life. In the form of a new movie. SERIOUSLY. If you didn't catch the 1987 movie, congratulate yourself. It's bad. I mean, really, really bad. Check out the trailer:



The movie is worse. I know this because my little brother was into the Garbage Pail Kids when we were young and I got dragged into watching this one night. I still haven't forgiven him.

Is there anyone in the world who's actually excited that the Garbage Pail Kids could be making a comeback? Anyone? Anyone? Didn't think so.