Top 14 Vampire Flicks

This article originally appeared on Culture Brats on October 5th, 2010. But we're bringing it back (along with a few others) to get you ready for Halloween!

Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Photo Credit: Wikipedia

For this week's Ranked!, we decided to rate our favorite vampire flicks. Did your favorite make our list? Find out below!

14. Let The Right One In

13. 30 Days Of Night

12. From Dusk Till Dawn

11. Shadow Of The Vampire

10 Vampire's Kiss

9. Buffy The Vampire Slayer

8. Near Dark

7. Underworld

First Look: Vamps

A while ago, we told you about Vamps, the newest film from Amy Heckerling. Now that we have an actual trailer, I’m feeling some mixed emotions.

The good:

• It's got a very '90s, Clueless-esque vibe, with spoiled rich girls and sassy one-liners. Maybe Cher grew up and became a vampire. (By the way, does Alicia Silverstone ever age?)
• Krysten Ritter is positively adorable in everything she does.
• Dan Stevens! Dan Stevens! Could his eyes be any bluer? Are they enhanced by CGI?
• Justin Kirk and eyeliner and a German (I think) accent.
• I'm salivating over the wardrobe of the women.

The not-so-good:

• We've seen the vampire thing a million times already. Do we really need another one?
• Richard Lewis? Really?

However, I'll still see it. Obviously. (It releases on November 13).

So Amped For Amy Heckerling's Vamps

More like
Dreamboat Abbey

Once in a while there comes a film that seems like it was made by picking out parts of my brains and putting it together to make a movie specifically for me. At least, that's how I think the movie Vamps came about.

After being shown at various festivals, Anchor Bay has picked up the film for distribution. The film surrounds two NYC vampire party girls who decide to take a break from their partying and killing ways to try to settle down in relationships.

I know, I know. The whole vampire thing is so over that it's now a cliche, and the last thing the world needs is another rom-com. But check this out: it's written and directed by Amy Heckerling, of Clueless and Fast Times At Ridgemont High fame. Still not excited? What if I told you it stars Dan Stevens, a.k.a. plays the DREAMY Matthew Crawley in Downton Abbey?

Oh, and a little someone called Alicia Silverstone and "it girl of the moment," Krysten Ritter? Not to mention Sigourney Weaver and Justin Kirk (the only good thing to come out of the ashes of the mess of a show called Weeds). Not to mention that Silverstone and Heckerling are working together for the first time since Clueless.

In my mind, I'm somehow imagining it to be like Clueless meets Earth Girls Are Easy. Alas. we'll have to wait until October for the film's official theatrical release. Don't let me down, Heckerling!

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The Munsters Are Back? Maybe?

I thought I'd ring in October with some spooky (but not really) news.

Entertainment Weekly broke the news this week that NBC is in talks with Bryan Fuller (the guy behind the cancelled Pushing Daisies) to revive... The Munsters! Now, I realize that this show originally aired in the 1960s, but it re-ran all the time when I grew up so it's kinda of an integral part of my '80s childhood.

It's being touted as "Modern Family meets True Blood" (*snicker*) and Guillermo del Toro of all people is rumored to be interested in working on it.

I liked this show as a kid, but even then I recognized that it was incredibly cornball. Paired with The Addams Family (which, by the way, is currently a Broadway musical) it was an hour of cheesy gothness that I enjoyed.

Vampires are so hot right now that I guess I shouldn't be surprised that networks are looking to resurrect genre shows in their back catalogue but I'm not sure The Munsters is the way to go. I mean, Grampa Munster doesn't even sparkle in the sunlight!

In any case, there's no way the new theme song will beat this:



Any Munsters fans out there? Would you watch a Munsters show as pitched above? Was I the only girl kinda creeped out by little Eddie Munster?

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TV Review: True Blood

A disclaimer up front: I'm pretty sure that, as a straight male, I'm not the target demographic for True Blood. As far as I can tell, the show is positioned for female viewers who like their vampires grittier than the ones in Twilight's sparklefest romance and gay viewers who identify with creator Alan Ball's analogy of Vampire as Marginalized Minority Figure.

("Too bad for you," my wife says. "I'm Queen of the Remote on Sunday nights. Now be quiet and watch the naked vampires have sex.")

I like True Blood's overall premise, which has held together well since the series began in 2008. In the fully-realized world of the show, everyone in the country knows about the existence of vampires, and as a result, there's a lot of sly commentary about Undead civil rights. The show is winking at us as it draws a parallel to current struggles in the gay community, and it's cleverly done. (A church sign in the opening credits shows the message "God Hates Fangs.") While the actual characters are running around doing their thing, there's a lot of fun happening on TV sets in the background, as vampire lobbyists spar with conservative talk show pundits.

But now that we're more than halfway through the third season, it's what's happening with the centerpiece couple in the foreground that's starting to feel tiresome: we've got Sookie Stackhouse, a human (Anna Paquin) and Bill Compton, a vampire (Stephen Moyer). Over the past three seasons, their relationship has basically involved a lot of a) running around in the swamp looking for each other and b) forlorn gazing. Plus a lot of sex. That's pretty much it. And that's why the episodes tend to blend together for me.

It's all very Buffy/Angel, plot-wise. Hot blond girl with psychic powers pines for brooding, do-gooder vampire. Except for the sex part. Because there's a lot. Plus violence. (Which is why we all pay for HBO in the first place, right?) The violence is sublimely visceral. In Buffy's world, vampires exploded into powder when staked or beheaded. Here, they dissolve into truly fantastic, stringy gore. It may just be old shredded cheesecloth dipped in strawberry jam, but it looks awesomely grotesque. And the aforementioned sex is plentiful. Various characters within the ensemble are always bumping into each other and saying, "Hey! Have we had sex yet? No? Well then let's get a move on!" Watch the last ten minutes of the most recent episode (Aug. 8th), and you'll see some particularly impressive all-nude grindage.

There are other plots in play -- Season One's mystery serial killer, Season Two's orgy-loving evil Maenad, and the current season's Vampire/Werewolf political power struggle -- but it's all just meant to frame the Sookie/Bill romance. Which is wearing thin. I'm tired of hearing Paquin squeal "Bill!" and Moyer growl, "Sookeh..." (or, when the fangs are in, "Sssshhhoookeh..."). After two and a half seasons, True Blood's writers owe us more.

("Whatever," my wife says. "This show has more male bare asses per minute than anything else on TV. Now hush.")

P.S. One thing this show has going for it: best opening credits ever. Great song by the lurky-voiced Jace Everett, and images of the Gothic South that creep me out way more than anything that’s actually happened on the show itself.

What Is Up With The Vampires These Days?

My wife and I enjoy vampire movies and television shows. Pretty much every decade has its share of awesome vampire fare. We love the original Dracula from 1931 (if you have the chance, check out the Spanish version--it's actually better than the Bela Legosi English version). We like the 1979 Frank Langella Dracula as well. The '80s were full of great blood-sucking, with classics like both of the Fright Night films and The Lost Boys standing out as the best. As far as the '90s go, we loved the ultra-gory Vampire$ in 1998 and television's all-too-short-lived Kindred: The Embraced. We really got into last year's Moonlight (again, short-lived) and we've started watching True Blood--which is a pretty cool vampire story under its soft-core porn exterior.

In our effort to keep up with the latest on the vampire front, we recently started watching the Twilight films. Which is what brings me back to my initial question: what is up with the vampires these days?

Edward Cullen and his bunch are just way too whiny to be proper vampires. Granted, there have been whiny vampires before: Louis from Interview with the Vampire would have fit right in with the Cullens, as would 1992's incarnation of Dracula who did nothing but bemoan his fate. But the entire Twilight mythology is built on a foundation of whine. The vampires are so unhappy with being vampires that it even makes the werewolves and humans sad and gloomy!

As I suffered through New Moon (which has an angst to "cool vampire action" ratio of about 99 to 1), I couldn't help but think about how the vampires of previous decades would handle the Twilight clan.

Jerry Dandridge from Fright Night, who enjoyed the idea of toying with humans who found out his secret, would take out the whole town of Forks, Washington, werewolves included, and have a good laugh with his buddy Billy afterward. If Jerry's sister, Regine (Fright Night 2) was pissed at Bella Swan, Bella would never have lasted through multiple movies of being hunted--she would have been gone in the first five minutes of New Moon. And it's for damn sure that David, Paul, Dwayne, and Marko (The Lost Boys) wouldn't let any of those pale, whiny Cullens hang from the railroad bridge with them.

Granted, the whole sparkly instead of bursting-into-flames-in-sunlight would give the Cullens an edge in the daytime. But at night? Forget about it.

I have to say, I am losing my patience with modern movie vampires. I haven't seen Eclipse yet (I'll wait for the video release, thanks), but I can only imagine it's more of the same. Vampires are really powerful, virtually immortal beings. Given their position in the food chain, you'd think they'd embrace their lot in life (death?). Lions don't go around moping because they're forced to kill gazelles, do they? It's pretty much the same thing. At least to me.

As I've said before, I am no fan of remaking films that were good in their original incarnations--but maybe it is high time for a Fright Night remake. Just to show the kids today what real vampires are like. (Actually, with the addition of Dr. Who's David Tennant and Superbad's Christopher Minzt-Plasse to the cast, there's even more of a reason to give this particular remake a thumbs-up.)

Better still, maybe somebody should make Twilight: Showdown: The Cullens versus the vamps of the '80s. That would clear out the pale, wussy, angst-ridden crowd and bring some proper night stalking back to the big screen.

Die, Vampire, Die!

Great news guys: our obsession with vampires is nearing an end! How do I know? Because Hollywood's releasing the vampire spoof, Vampires Suck, on August 18th. The film is written and directed by the same dynamic duo who gave us Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, Scary Movie 3, and Scary Movie 4.

We all know that by the time Hollywood gets around to spoofing a genre, that genre is officially on its last legs. Hurrah!



Now can someone in Hollywood get to work on a Betty White spoof? Thanks!