Victim: M.I.A.'s New Video "XXXO"

Hello and welcome to Smacktalk, our newest feature at Culture Brats! Each week, we'll attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. We're going to kick things off with a look at M.I.A.'s new video for "XXXO." Hope ya love it!

Daddy Geek Boy: When did M.I.A. go glam? Why isn't she angry? (0:05)

Didactic Pirate: Hey! Apollonia has a new video! Oh, wait. (0:07)

The Weirdgirl: Are those roses attacking?! I'm scared already. (0:07)

Chag: Wow. Was this video made in one of those booths at Six Flags? (0:10)

Mr. Big Dubya: Um... was this professionally done? I mean, it looks like some bad templates from Windows Movie Maker (0:16)

The Weirdgirl: Rocky Horror! (0:18)

Daddy Geek Boy: Oh I get it, this video was created on the internet in the '90s. (0:20)

Chag: Actually, I'm thinking they dusted off the TRS-80 to make this video (0:27)

Mamatulip: Did anyone else think she was saying 'sex, sex, sex, ho' at first? Or was that just me? (0:40)

Didactic Pirate: It's like Donald Trump had sex with a crappy Valentine's Day e-card and this was the result. Is there any chance that the cheap vibe is on purpose? I don’t know M.I.A. to say for sure. Kids today and their irony. (0:47)

Tania: Isn't M.I.A. a little too established to be a Prince protege? Where's her raspberry beret? (0:52)

The Weirdgirl: Where are the LOL cats? (0:58)

The Weirdgirl: Oh, there they are. (1:01)

Daddy Geek Boy: I can't help but feel like this is somehow Lady Gaga's fault. (1:03)

A Vapid Blonde: I think I saw her perform in New Hampshire in 1987 at an outdoor music venue... or it could have been Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam. (1:06)

Mr. Big Dubya: Honestly, this is just painful to watch. And there's still 2 minutes left. I don't like this game anymore. (1:07)

Chag: Did she just say something about tweeting on an iPhone? Is this an Apple ad? (1:14)

A Vapid Blonde: UNICORN STAMPEDE! (1:15)

Mr. Big Dubya: Tweety bird on your iPhone? Unicorn stampede? Are there gonna be sharks with lasers next? (1:16)

The Weirdgirl: Bling ball gags? That's a new and disturbing kink. (1:19)

Didactic Pirate: I'm a little worried she's going to choke on those diamond-encrusted letters she's eating. I hope one of those unicorns knows how to give the Heimlich. (1:19)

Mr. Big Dubya: Diamond-encrusted dental dams? I'm so confused. Hold me. (1:23)

The Weirdgirl: There are entirely too many subliminal vulva shapes in this video. (1:24)

A Vapid Blonde: Now I am thoroughly confused. I thought traditionally it was 'XOXO' not 'XXXO'. Also this will be going through my head all day. So thanks, M.I.A. Thanks a lot. (1:30)

Mamatulip: There is way too much flashing in this video. Good thing I'm not epileptic. (1:38)

Chag: All they'll have to is remove M.I.A. from the video, put in the lyrics, and they'll have a perfect karaoke video for the song. (1:52)

Didactic Pirate: She's a leopard! No, she's not. (2:02)

The Weirdgirl: You just know she bedazzles her va-jay-jay. (2:08)

Chag: Maybe you guys should be a little nicer. I'd hate for her to attack you with one of those M.I.A. swords from earlier in the video. (2:12)

Mr. Big Dubya: Ok. Who the hell directed this? I really need to smack him upside the head with his "vision." (2:28)

A Vapid Blonde: Entirely too much tongue fluttering goin on! I need to take a shower I feel so dirty. (2:37)

Jennyonthespot: Dudes. It, like totally, made me gag... and also flinch. (2:38)

Didactic Pirate: This woman is definitely using subliminal messages to make me do something. I'm just not sure what. Make out with a jungle cat? Hop on a swan and find the nearest Tunnel of Love? (2:40)

Mr. Big Dubya: The death of videos on MTV really meant the death of creative videos. This truly sucks. And there's still 14 seconds left. More time for more suckage. (2:52)

The Weirdgirl: Sex sex sex oh! Sex sex sex oh! Sex sex sex OOOOH... Thundercats! (2:52)

Mr. Big Dubya: "Thank you for adding me?" Where is the long-awaited "Dislike" button? If this video were on twitter, I'd mark as spam and BLOCK! (2:55)

Didactic Pirate: Yeah, sort of presumptuous to thank me for adding her. Verdict: Dislike, both for the song and the video. (2:57)

Daddy Geek Boy: I feel like there was some message here, but I may be too dumb to pick up on it. Thankfully the song is catchy. (3:01)

Jennyonthespot: I thought the whole feel of the video felt like a 25-cent sticker you get from a gas station vending machine. *ahem* (3:04)

Jennyonthespot: And pretty much I looked like this the whole way through:

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