Why Can't You Do It? Why Can't You Set Your Monkey Free?

Whoops! Sorry about your building.


Me: Hello?

George: Hello.

Me: Yes, may I please speak to George Michael, formerly of the smash pop group Wham UK with the monstrously successful solo career?

George: Um, why are you calling? And how did you get this private number?

Me: Oh, don't you worry about that, I have my "ways." I once traveled back in time to warn my twelve-year-old self about the dangers of giving up The Police for Duran Duran, but I digress. Today I'm here to talk about you.

George: I'm intrigued, overly aggressive know-it-all girl. What would you like to talk about?

Me: Well, in the last two years alone, I've read various news stories where you are out and about in London either dozing off in the middle of intersections in your car or driving said car into numerous buildings, seemingly for variety, but I can't be sure. Just yesterday I was reading a magazine and your latest escapade was buried under fifteen blurbs about that freaking Angelina Jolie and her daughter's wardrobe.

I mean, you wrote "Freedom" for Christ's sake!

George: Really?! Buried under a Shiloh Jolie Pitt wardrobe mix and match?

Me: YES! Can you believe that? So if these "little incidents" are some kind of cry for help, you need to step up your game and steal a flaming petrol truck and drive it into the Thames before jumping off singing a rendition of "Careless Whisper."

George: Hmmmmmmmmm.

Me: I was joking George. Listen, you've got a pretty nice life right? I mean, you are a prolific artist with a ton of eternally beloved hits. Jump back over the pond here and go on tour! The English Beat AND Tears for Fears are here this month and they are raking in the adoration and the bucks.

George: So I should stop the low intensity theatrics and get busy jitterbugging and putting the boom boom into the hearts of my millions of fans across the globe?

Me: YES!

George: Right then, well let me drive my car out of this intersection I was sleeping in and get the ball rolling. Tally Ho, and thanks for the advice.

Me: You're welcome George Michael. You know, I put on my "Choose Life" tee shirt from the '80s to make this call?

George: You're losing what little credibility you had now. Do you want me to creep back into the intersection and take another nap?

Me: No, no, never mind. Hope to see you on the road George.

George: CLICK

Me: Great talking to you. Bye bye.

Me: Now, what was Adam Ant's cell?


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