For this week's Smacktalk, we decided to take a look at the trailer for Burlesque, the upcoming movie starring Cher, Stanley Tucci, and Christina Aguilera. Enjoy!
Didactic Pirate: Huh. Young hoofer tries to make it in the big city. I wonder what in the world will happen to her. I cannot imagine, for I have certainly never seen such a premise before. (0:09)
The Weirdgirl: Is this Chicago 2? Oh... no. Damn it! (0:09)
Dufmanno: This appears to be derailing already. (0:11)
The Weirdgirl: Eleven seconds in and Christina's already snotty. (0:11)
Daddy Geek Boy: You know you're in trouble when your movie is using the same font as Glitter. (0:15)
Archphoenix: All these jump cuts. I think I'm going to have a seizure. (0:24)
Didactic Pirate: Cher just explained that when a woman puts on makeup, "she's painting her face." Insightful. (0:33)
A Vapid Blonde: Cher sounds like a chipmunk hoarding nuts in her cheeks. (0:33)
Dufmanno: Oh Cher. That's how I sound when the dentist has given me extra Novocaine for a root canal. I'll try to remember Silkwood. (0:33)
The Weirdgirl: More snottiness? Oh wait, I get it, there's a "mirror" metaphor in this movie, isn't there? Yeah, that's deep. (0:37)
Daddy Geek Boy: So let me get this straight... they've remade Showgirls as a PG-13 movie? Brilliant (0:40)
The Weirdgirl: You gotta give me a chance, I'm perky and have over-processed hair! (0:43)
Dufmanno: Is that Stanley Tucci?! Et tu, Brute? (0:47)
Didactic Pirate: Yeah, that's him. Apparently, The Tootch owed someone a major favor. (0:47)
Daddy Geek Boy: Come on, Dufmanno. He's got a mortgage, too. (0:48)
Mamatulip: If Xtina whips her head around any more, she's gonna get whiplash. (0:59)
Archphoenix: No Stanley Tucci, I think she's having some kind of seizure. What kind of "dance moves" are those? (1:18)
Dufmanno: No, Christina. You CANNOT do this. (1:22)
The Weirdgirl: You've got to make me believe this isn't really just an extended ego video! (1:5)
Dufmanno: Hey, they just let Cher give the pivotal plot-turning speech in the trailer. (1:30)
Didactic Pirate: "You want fame? Well fame costs! And right here is where you start paying." Sorry, just had a Fame flashback. (1:35)
The Weirdgirl: And that completes the singing portion of this exam. On to the grinding! (1:46)
Archphoenix: Woah, is that Alan Cumming? (1:48)
Daddy Geek Boy: Up until now, wasn't this a movie about dancing? Now she's a singer? (1:48)
Mamatulip: So this is like a Showgirls/Chicago/Moulin Rouge ripoff? How original. (1:56)
The Weirdgirl: Oh Stanley, you can do better! (2:06)
Archphoenix: Is that the voice of my adorable pocket sized TV girlfriend KRISTEN BELL?!? Eee! (2:06)
Didactic Pirate: Watching my sweet Veronica Mars as a Pussycat Doll makes me feel dirty. (2:08)
Daddy Geek Boy: And it makes me sad to see that she does not look good as a brunette (2:09)
Mamatulip: Aw, look. Now Cher and Xtina are BFFs! How heartwarming! (2:10)
The Weirdgirl: Will you be my new daddy? (2:16)
Dufmanno: I'm just sad about this. Not sad in a crying tears way. Sad in a Showgirls type way. (2:29)
Daddy Geek Boy: At least Showgirls was unintentionally hilarious and had copious amounts of nudity. (2:31)
Archphoenix: Who am I kidding. I'm totally going to watch this. I might be drunk but I'll get my showgirl on. (2:31)
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