Hellcats: "The Match Game"

Sex, pie, and secrets. It's like a cross between sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll and sex, lies, and videotapes.

This episode is packed full of horny cheerleaders in desperate need of money willing to sell their bodies, their reputations, and their relationships for the sake of paying for a spot in the nationals. They do this by holding a date auction where each one of them is bid on to raise money, kind of like going to the Bunny Ranch in Vegas. I think.


I'm just kidding. Seriously though after watching this episode I can't decide if I am hungry, need a date, or maybe just to break down some emotional walls and be free, as free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows. Well, you get the picture.

Marti reveals to the entire squad that she and Lewis "Does this look crooked?" Flynn are doing the horizontal mambo and the squad's reaction was something between total silence and crickets chirping.

Savannah confronts her Mother and they both agree that it's okay if she decides to throw caution and potentially her virginity to the wind and travel down a winding road with Dan.

I think Alice just straight up slept with her auction date who happened to be her boyfriend, because the next day she was still wearing her Hellcat uniform after the auction.

And Vanessa's hopes of having a steamy mcsteamy love affair was dashed when she realized her anonymous bidder was her boyfriend Derrick and not her ex, Red Raymond.

They completely gloss over Lewis "Does this look crooked?" Flynn's date. He garnered the most dirty money from a 65-year-old man with salt and pepper hair, not that there is anything wrong with that, at all.

My favorite quote from this episode is from Wanda, Marti's drunk mom who doesn't ever seem all that drunk to me. "Don't touch it. If you don't touch it, it doesn't count." Oh that Wanda, she just woos me with her delicate sensibilities.

If you are a fan of the '80s you do not want to miss next weeks episode when the Hellcats host an '80s party, complete with a Thriller sequence, I think. At least that is what the teaser implied.

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