SmackTalk Victim: 2010: Moby Dick

Hello and welcome to Smacktalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the trailer for 2010: Moby Dick. Hope ya love it!

Daddy Geek Boy: From a studio no one has ever heard of...

Archphoenix: I'm kind of ashamed of myself for knowing that Asylum is the same company that did Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus.

The Weirdgirl: Evil lurks? Are the Backstreet Boys down there?

A Vapid Blonde: I'd be pissed too if I was that whale. First he's evil, then he's a monster, what's next?

Chag: No tease whatsoever. I like this. Bringing the monster out, front and center, from the get-go!

Didactic Pirate: Who knew whales growl like grizzly bears when they attack?

Archphoenix: Did that whale just bite a nuke?

Archphoenix: Gabrielle from Xena! I wondered recently what she was up to. And I fear it's nothing good.

Dufmanno: "And that would make it 400 feet?" I actually did research on what 400 feet looks like. They are right to look concerned.

The Weirdgirl: I'll be sorely disappointed if this isn't a prehistoric whale. (Today's whales are just whining posers.)

Didactic Pirate: For just one nanosecond, I thought that was Sean Penn with a bad 'stache. I owe Mr. Penn an apology e-card.

Chag: I don't remember nukes in Moby Dick. I knew I should've read the damn thing and not relied on Cliffs Notes.

Dufmanno: It's never truly dangerous until a "boatload of nukes" is involved.

Daddy Geek Boy: Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't one nuke all it really takes to be dangerous?

Archphoenix: Took his leg in '69? Oh Barry, did they pitch this to you by saying, "The film sucks. Here's a big pile of money."

Dufmanno: Revenge. Driving plots since the dawn of time.

A Vapid Blonde: Oh honey don't you even remember? He's not an animal, he's an EVIL 400 FOOT MONSTER! Pfft, blondes.

Daddy Geek Boy: Go back to PETA you dumb hippie. A giant killer whale is not an animal. Haven't you seen Sharktopus?

Didactic Pirate: Nice scar on Bostwick. It says, "I'm a badass," but also, "I'm emotionally vulnerable."

Chag: Did he just say, "I'd strike the sun if it insulted me?" How is that even possible? What does that even mean?

Dufmanno: Okay, I’m with Chag on this one. What the hell is even going on is right. The sun?

Archphoenix: Chag, basically, he's the anti-Al Gore.
A Vapid Blonde: *blink* *blink* *blink* BWAHHAAAHAAAA. Whoever wrote this should not be allowed near any writing implements ever again.
The Weirdgirl:  I'm feeling the whale at this moment. Dude needs to be eaten.
The Weirdgirl: Oh, and the sky has pissed me off lately. I think I'll nuke it.

Chag: We're going to need a bigger boat.

Didactic Pirate: I don't care how high you can leap, Whale. Sharktopus could still make you his bitch.

Daddy Geek Boy:  I have no idea what's happening right now.  It's like a Michael Bay film all of a sudden.

Didactic Pirate: That's one fast-moving CGI rendering of a whale.

The Weirdgirl: Body slam!

Daddy Geek Boy: I was going to pass on this movie until they told me that it starred a Golden Globe winner. That changes everything!
Chag: You know that Barry Bostwick's character is named Captain Ahab? *rolls eyes*
Didactic Pirate: Just so I understand: the producers saw a rerun of Spin City, looked at each other and said, "Gentlemen, we've found our Ahab."

Daddy Geek Boy: Shouldn't the title be Moby Dick: 2010? Also, 2010 is almost over so they better get this thing out soon otherwise the movie's not going to make any sense.

A Vapid Blonde: Oh jeez Barry, now you've gone and done it. Calling him "The Devil Himself?" Thats is really going to piss off the evil 400-foot monster that lurks below the surface.

Dufmanno: But Barry, he is a whale. I’m confused.

The Weirdgirl: He's the Keyser Soze of whales.

Didactic Pirate: Herman Melville is going to rise from his grave and smack an apology out of some movie execs for this one.

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