Breath in and big exhale out. And now I am holding the bridge of my nose the way people do when they are really irritated and are trying to massage that irritation right out of their face. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here. We know what we want from the Hellcats and it has nothing to do with a meaningful relationship and everything to do with a sexy one night stand. Once a week. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently it is.
The best thing about this episode is that Wanda calls the police to come talk to Marti about the thugs that were chasing her down and when Marti refuses to talk to them, she asks her mother how she would react if Marti told her she had just killed someone and Wanda's response just makes me love her even more. "I would go out and buy some bleach." The only thing better is if she went and fired up the wood chipper in the back yard. Like my family would.
Now here is where I would like to tickle your fancy with an elaborate description of scantily-clad boys and girls flying about each other, but I can't because this is Hellcats and on top of that, we don't even get a silly old dance and song routine in this episode. What we do get however is a minuscule moment of intrigue followed by a whole bunch of "Glory Days" and blah, blah, blah.
After Marti and Alice have a heated discussion about Jakey Poo's porn... I mean pharmacy robbery DVD that will save the world, Marti goes for a run and she runs like she has to poo. It's really not cute. At all. And then she calls Dan. Dan hangs up on her and right after that the thugs come and kidnap her, complete with a black hood over her head. Which commences the most boring episode ever which is aptly and boringly named "Remember When" and here I am again thinking, let me name the episodes first. Pretty please, because I would probably have named it something like, "Smells Like Team Spirit" or "Debbie Does Lance". The squad is "initiating" Marti, where she goes from being a Hell Kitten *shakes head* to a full on Hellcat. Mee. Oww. In their defense, I will say that the events leading up to Alice becoming a Hellcat are pretty funny. Her daddy flakes on Parents' Weekend and she goes on a drinking binge which lands her in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and what's supposed to be vomit all over her looks like Vaseline with confetti in it and she kind of looked really hot, in a pathetic, needy way. You know the types. Then Vanessa swoops in, having just become the new Hellcat coach and does a mighty fine job of recruiting Alice to join the squad. Speaking of Vanessa, her story about becoming the coach was also interesting because before this gig she was doing singing telegrams and I am pretty sure her next move was about to be up on a pole, but the Hellcats turned out to be her salvation. Phew, that was close.
While Marti is being initiated and forced to hold the "spirit stick," which looks like a shrunken cat head, Bill Marsh, Jakey Poo, and the sleazy furniture guy set a plan in motion to beat the crap out of Travis, the wrongly-convicted convict, to send a clear message to Marti. But Marti is facing the end of her initiation which culminates in what they call a "Suicide Drop" and this is where I would be like "You know what guys? Buh Bye!" But she does it and in one moment. I found myself cursing them all to blazes because DAMMIT! They hooked me back in with the suspense and I am such a pushover. Sigh.
Later, Marti, in anguish over what to do about this wrongly-convicted-convict-freeing golden ticket DVD, receives a phone call summoning her to the prison hospital where she and Savannah find Travis all banged up. Where he fires her. Which makes her spill the beans to Savannah and in turn they tell all of the Hellcats what's going on and as a team they band together and declare war on Lancer Football. So watch out. Life as we know it will cease to exist on the Lancer campus next week. Kind of just like the Mayans predictions for 2012.
In case you didn't notice. Not one bit of sexy cheer time at all.
My apologies for the quality of these episode stills. It seems that there really aren't any online that are worthy of posting for this episode so these are screen shots.