Top 20 Movies Of 1982 (Nos. 11-15)

For this week's Ranked!, we decided to Rank our Top 20 Movies of 1982. Can you guess what #1 is? Let us know if we got it right!

Here are Nos. 11-15:

15. First Blood

First Blood is the story of a Vietnam Vet played by Sylvester Stallone who is wrongly jailed by a jerk cop. He escapes to a nearby woods and starts killing off the cops one by one. But you want to know what I remember most from that movie?

The knife.

It was this H-U-G-E knife with a compass at the end and a hollowed-out handle that held a needle and thread, fishing line and a hook, a mini-fridge, and other items. And soon after the movie's release, they were all the rage at the local flea market. Somehow, I talked my mother into buying me one, under the guise that I needed it for my tackle box. Apparently, I was fishing for Great White sharks and not rainbow trout.--Chris

14. Porky's

My parents never took me to see Porky's. To their credit. Porky's is the funniest, raunchiest teen sex comedy ever made. It's ostensibly about a group of high school kids seeking revenge on a dirty night club owner, but it's really all about the dick jokes. Lots and lots of them, most of them excellent. I would not have understood them when I was 12, but when I finally sought Porky's out and saw it 10 years later I had to pause the film six or seven times just to give myself time to breathe after laughing so hard. Porky's has a timeless quality to it, partially because it's set in the '50s and partially because there are certain universal truths male adolescents share that most of us (guys at least) remember well. Although chasing girls seemed like the only thing we were doing, the actual best part was how freakin' hysterical it could be when we were all trying to do it together.--CroutonBoy

13. Creepshow

This movie was birthed by two horror greats: Stephen King and director George Romero. It's a series of shorts, held together under the premise that they're all from a comic book.

Most of them were great: a redneck finds a meteorite and plans to sell it to pay a loan, only he meets with disaster; a man finds a monster in a crate at a research facility; a man kills his wife and her lover, only he meets with disaster; and a father who gets his revenge. But by far the grossest was the short entitled "They're Creeping Up on You!" This short was about a clean freak who lives in a sealed apartment that is eventually overrun with cockroaches. And so is he. In fact, in the final scene, cockroaches come pouring out of his chest, creating something far more scarier than the similar scene from Alien.--Chris

12. The Dark Crystal

When most people think of Jim Henson and Frank Oz, they think of the happy cheerful Muppets and Sesame Street pals. I think of The Dark Crystal, an epic dark fairy tale with some really freaky creatures. It's one of those films (along with The Last Unicorn) that I'm kind of shocked that my parents let me watch over and over and over again as a kid. I watched it again recently for the first time in many years and it's still a gorgeous story with amazing puppets and imagery that sticks with you. Frankly, I wish more kids films were made like this one.--Archphoenix

11. Night Shift

When you're the star of a successful TV show, it's inevitable that you get cast in a movie just to see if your popularity is broader than that one show. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Night Shift is one of those movies. "Let's take the Fonz (Henry Winkler) and put him with Diane Chambers (Shelly Long) and see what happens." In this case, brilliance happened. This is one of the funniest, most heartfelt comedies of the '80s, and one that I can watch over and over again without ever getting tired of it. Night shift morgue attendants Chuck and Bill (Winkler and Michael Keaton in his first major motion picture role--already showing his goofy comedy brilliance) decide to make some extra cash and fill the long hours by becoming pimps. ("Love brokers!") Hilarity ensues. In great amounts.

This is also Ron Howard's first time at the helm of a theatrical movie, the start of a truly brilliant directing career. I'll never forget Eddie Murphy on Saturday Night Live interviewing Howard about Night Shift. Murphy asks Howard what the movie is about and he tells him. Then Murphy asks, "Are there any brothers in the movie? Are there any brothers starring in the movie?" Howard tells him there aren't. Murphy responds, "You made a movie about pimps and you didn't put any brothers in it? I don't know whether to kiss you or punch you in the mouth." That was back when SNL was funny.

Anyway, yeah... Night Shift. Great stuff.--Dave

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