Victim: Gnomeo & Juliet

Hello and welcome to Smacktalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the trailer for the upcoming animated feature Gnomeo & Juliet. Hope ya love it!

Dufmanno: Right out of the gate, my five-year old who is standing behind me and commented, "That's creepy." Gnomes are like a combo of Lilliputian clowns and puppets that talk.

Didactic Pirate: Ok. First of all, I've always found garden gnomes creepy. Second, Why is that blue gnome looking RIGHT AT ME?

Dufmanno: Okay, so like Toy Story?

Chag: Borat Gnome?

Daddy Geek Boy: Looks like they're really scraping the bottom of the anthropomorphic barrel here.

The Weirdgirl: I always knew gnomes were bloodthirsty bastards.

Archphoenix: Red vs. blue. Crips vs. Bloods. Capulet vs. Montague. You know, for kids! Also, Michael Caine, really? Can't you just ride those sweet sweet Batman paychecks and not do things like this?

The Weirdgirl: Drag racing? I thought this was a war movie, damn it. I want to see some gnome blood spilled.

Dufmanno: I take back those mean things I said about you McAvoy. Your voice is like butter even when it's coming out of a creature like that.

Archphoenix: Ok, I've actually done stage productions of Romeo And Juliet. Twice. I don't remember the part where Juliet is a friggin' ninja. And I'm pretty sure I would remember that.

Dufmanno: The frog is officially the most annoying character in this movie preview. That's saying a LOT.

Chag: It's been over ten years now. Can we please stop spoofing The Matrix?

The Weirdgirl: Uh... what pose did they just land in?

Chag: The Wheelbarrow. Kama Sutra, page 38.

Daddy Geek Boy: Wait! This is from the director of Shrek 2? That changes everything!

Daddy Geek Boy: Wait! This features music from Elton John? That changes everything back.

Archphoenix: You know what Shakespeare totally needs? Elton John tunes! Thank God that's finally been corrected after all these years.

The Weirdgirl: Hell bunnies!

Dufmanno: Braveheart-inspired Rayman Raving Rabbids?

Dufmanno: I'll have you know I find the Tiki Room at Disney mildly soothing so I approve of this part.

Didactic Pirate: Nice try, gnome. But that ceramic chick is just biding her time until Buzz Lightyear shows up.

Archphoenix: Throwing in "parting is such sweet sorrow" in some kind of faux-Shakespearean accent while ninja Juliet is flying away on a lawnmower doesn't make this thing an authentic classic. Nice try, though.

Didactic Pirate: Dear Shakespeare, I am so, so, SO sorry about this.

The Weirdgirl: Kelly Asbury, you're dead to me.

Didactic Pirate: Wonder how kids will handle the ending, when one gnome drinks poison, and the other one stabs herself. Spoiler Alert?

Archphoenix: Look this thing up on IMDb. The cast is insane: James McAvoy, Patrick Stewart, Emily Blunt, Maggie Smith, Seth Green, Seth Mcfarlane, HULK HOGAN, Jason Statham, Michael Caine, Dolly Parton, and OZZY OSBOURNE.

Daddy Geek Boy: If Ozzy is playing Elton John, they've got my $12.

Didactic Pirate: I hear they've already greenlit the sequel: Love's Lawn Ornaments Lost.

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