The Best Hair Metal Songs That Should Have Been In Rock Of Ages

Seeing Rock of Ages this weekend really brought up my pre-teen obsessions with hair metal. Except back then, it was just considered "metal." It wasn't until we had some distance that we can look back with some critique and perspective that suddenly we think how "uncool' it really was. Not me; although that probably has to do with the fact that anything we experienced during our pubescent years (12-15) was so important and had an impact on us. I'll also be frank here: my sexual awakening was made possible by guys like Bret Michaels and Sebastian Bach.

In the late eighties, I had just come off of a New Kids On The Block frenzy, and when they fizzled, I was looking for the next big crush. I had a friend with an older sister who was into metal, and therefore she was the expert who led me down the path to obsession. One time at her house, we watched endless hours of Headbanger's Ball, and the combination of over-sexualized, hyper-masculinity mixed with traditionally feminine dress like makeup, long hair, and bright colored-clothing whipped my young teen psyche into a frenzy.

But, honestly, it wasn't just about the guys--it was even more so about the music. Here was something loud, upbeat with lyrics that didn't kid around. Even to this day, I have no patience for low-temp, low key music (sorry Iron And Wine, Elliott Smith, and Bon Iver). And these lyrics really meant business; everything was about what said singer was going to do to a woman's body, where he was going to stick it, and on many occasions, a sweet pining for love. Guys who would take charge AND are sensitive! Swoon!

As a young impressionable teen, I fell right into the marketing ploy that this kind of rock 'n' roll was fun. Anyone who tried to get in the way was a total square. The teased hair and tight miniskirt groupie girls were the luckiest girls in the world: they got to have fun and hang out with the hottest guys in the universe! My friend and I would actually spend the most time scrutinizing the girls who got to be in the videos and tear them apart over our obsessive jealousy. It was only until later that I realized what these women's experiences probably were, and the bands' struggles. (Seriously, read The Dirt. It's fascinating and tragic.)

Although I don't quite agree with Archphoenix's enthusiasm for the movie, I couldn't help but get excited to hear some of my favorite songs get some attention ("I Wanna Know What Love Is" being one of my favorites.) There seemed to be six gazillion songs featured in the film, and about gazillion also would have been welcome. Here are some of my favorite hair metal songs that didn't make the cut:

Movie Review: Rock Of Ages

I was lucky enough to score an invite to preview Rock Of Ages, the Broadway musical turned movie, in May. I'm a bit of a theatre geek, and I've seen the touring show with Constantine Maroulis, AND I own the original cast recording, so it's a story I'm pretty familiar with. Needless to say, I was pretty happy about the invite to see this particular film.

I'm not going to lie, I went in with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I firmly believe that there was some miscasting, namely in the form of Tom Cruise and Alec Baldwin. Now, I love love LOVE Alec Baldwin. I think the man is incredibly talented, and very very funny. However, I just don't see him as the long-haired hippie rocker club owner. And Tom Cruise plays Stacee Jaxx, the slightly past-his-prime giant 1980s rock star. And my first thought, on hearing that he was cast in this role was, "Really?" More on these two in just a minute.

The premise of the story is this: in 1987 a young girl, Sherrie Christian (played by Julianne Hough, one of the professional dancers from Dancing With The Stars) jumps on a bus and moves from Tulsa, Oklahoma to Los Angeles to make her fortune as a singer. Once there she meets Drew (played by Diego Boneta from Pretty Little Liars and the new version of 90210) who gets her a job at a famous rock club on the Sunset Strip. The club is owned by Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and managed by Lonnie (Russell Brand). Legendary rock star Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise) is set to play his final show with his band, they're under protest by the new Mayor (Bryan Cranston) and his conservative firebrand wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Stacee's manager (played by Paul Giamatti) is just trying to get Stacee to show up to work and lands an interview for Stacee with a Rolling Stone reporter (Malin Akerman) to kick off Stacee's new solo career. And the whole thing is a musical story set to kick ass '80s music: songs by REO Speedwagon, Poison, Bon Jovi, Guns 'N' Roses and so on.

Whew. I went through all that to show that director Adam Shankman (director of another big movie musical, Hairspray) lined up one hell of a big, talented cast. And it's pretty clear that everyone involved was having a blast. Julianne Hough is ADORABLE as big ole blonde naive Sherrie. And girl can sing. I did find it funny that she doesn't have much dancing in the film though, as she's a fabulous dancer. But I expect this role will get her much future work. Diego Boneta, who I'd never seen before, is also adorable. Big ole brown puppy dog eyes and so earnest and likable. You really believe it when he sings those cheesy '80s love ballads. Great casting for both those two. Catherine Zeta-Jones (who looks smoking hot by the way) chews the scenery with great relish and really works her big dance number. Malin Akerman is such a good sport, and kind of shocked me with her singing. She has some seriously wrong scenes with Tom Cruise and I love her willingness to put herself out there for a laugh. She's hilarious. Paul Giamatti is just lovely as usual, Bryan Cranston is a bit hammy and under-used. I've decided that I just adore Russell Brand and will watch him in just about anything. And that brings us back to Alec and Tom. So, Alec was... okay. He had genuinely entertaining chemistry with Russell Brand. I kind of want to see a buddy comedy with these two now. I just think I see him as Jack Donaghy (30 Rock) now and it's my issue and not everyone's.

And then there's Tom Cruise.

First Look: Rock Of Ages (Full Trailer)

A whole slew of new movie trailers hit the net recently so we're going to spotlight some of them today, starting with the new one for Rock Of Ages. In it, you can get a little snippet of Tom Cruise's cover of "Wanted Dead or Alive" by Bon Jovi.



I still think this is horribly miscast. I actually really enjoyed the stage show, and really like some of the folk in this film, but I think that overall, it still looks problematic. You?

First Look: Rock Of Ages

It's '80s hair metal! It's cheesy! It has dance numbers! Cover songs!

But... will it rock?

Musical Review: Rock Of Ages, Curran Theatre

I took some family and friends with me to see Constantine Maroulis and the gang in Rock of Ages at the Curran Theatre in San Francisco this weekend. I was expecting to have nothing but a good time but the show actually exceeded my expectations.

We got there early to grab a drink and browse the merch. My husband and his friend found a t-shirt that they liked but I refused to allow the purchase, much less public wearing of (though I will admit it's a hilarious shirt).

We got seated in the mezzanine and were greeted with an awesome hair metal playlist. I mean, any show that has "Eye of the Tiger" playing preshow is my kind of musical. Suck it, Oklahoma.

Rock of Ages: The Movie

If you've not heard of Rock of Ages: The Musical, you should. It's a show based entirely around '80s music, and largely hair metal bands at that. Journey. Whitesnake. Bon Jovi. Poison. Styx. The story is set in 1987 in Los Angeles. A midwestern girl, Sherrie, moves out to LA to become a star. Gets a job at the hottest rock club in town. Falls for a rocker. And it's all kinds of cheestastic '80s music.

Well a few months back there were rumors that a big screen version was in the works. Adam Shankman, best known as a choreographer for things like Boogie Nights, Hairspray, and fan fave Buffy's "Once More With Feeling," was then signed to direct this big screen version of the fan favorite. Ok, I'm down with that. Guy has musical chops.

On Friday it was announced that the film had signed one of its major leads. Tom Cruise will be playing Stacee Jaxx, the washed up rock star who figures prominently in the plot. Tom Cruise. Singing "Wanted Dead or Alive" in acid washed jeans with presumably big glam hair. Seriously.

*blink*

I know he's trying to rehab his image and all right now but really? Can Tom even sing?

If you need to try a taste of this totally awesome show, here's the footage from the 2009 Tony Awards in which they were multiple nominees and so did a performance.



And here's some live footage of Stacee Jaxx straight from the Broadway show:



Tom Cruise? Really?

The show, with most of the original Broadway cast (including lead Constantine from American Idol) is now beginning its American tour. It's coming to a city near me so I'm, like, totally going to see it. The Rock of Ages official website has tour information if you want to see if it will be rocking a theatre near you.

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