Still don't think it's real? There's an ad for that!
[source]
Showing posts with label Bret Michaels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bret Michaels. Show all posts
This Image Of Bret Michaels Is Entirely Real
Seriously. Even if I had the Photoshop skills to pull this off, I don't think I have the imagination to think of something like this:
Still don't think it's real? There's an ad for that!
[source]
Still don't think it's real? There's an ad for that!
[source]
Apparently, New Hearts Cost A Lot Of Money
Hello, Bret!Look, I know you've had a hell of a year with the emergency appendectomy, the brain hemorrhage, the stroke, and the hole in your heart. I'm sure you've spent four times as much on hospital bills that normal rock stars spend on hookers and blow.
But you also won last year's Celebrity Apprentice. You were on American Idol. You have a tour this summer with Motley Crue.
I'm sure you're not hurting for money.
So why this?
SmackTalk Victim: Bret Michaels, "What I Got"
Hello and welcome to SmackTalk, where each week we attack mock critique a music video or movie trailer. This week, we're taking a look at the latest from Bret Michaels: the video for his cover of Sublime's "What I Got." Hope ya love it!
Daddy Geek Boy: Beat box? It really is the '80s all over again.
Didactic Pirate: Time to play a rousing round of "Count the Mullets."
Chag: Damn, Bret! Even Kanye wouldn't perform in front of a thirty-foot image of himself!
The Weirdgirl: And he's off! At the pace of a snail. Rock on, snail.
Didactic Pirate: I'll bet a thousand bucks that he's totally bald in real life. That blond hair is actually sewn into all of his bandanas and cowboy hats.
Chag: Yes! Bret's rockin' the county fair!
Daddy Geek Boy: Okay, so it may be hard to rip on Bret Michaels after all he’s gone through, but can we at least rip on his fans?
A Vapid Blonde: I swear that's not me, drunk at a Bret Michaels Concert desecrating Sublime.
The Weirdgirl: Game! Every time you see a wife-beater, take a drink.
Daddy Geek Boy: Oh, I get it! They're showing a Dalmatian because he says "Dalmatian" in the song. Clever.
Chag: Marry me!
Didactic Pirate: Ok, I do like the woman who's playing thigh guitar. There's technique there. She looks classically trained.
Chag: Mothertruckin' riot? We should really stop listening to this song RIGHT NOW. He's practically daring us.
Daddy Geek Boy: Can we all agree now that "mothertruckin'" just isn’t an acceptable substitute?
Archphoenix: But there's a lady playing her leg like a guitar! FOCUS, people!
A Vapid Blonde: Is any one else worried that that poor innocent girl who is playing her leg like a mothertruckin' riot is about to have her boobs pop out? Because I am.
Chag: And by "worried" you mean "hoping," right? Because I am.
Didactic Pirate: You know, it's not cool for you guys to make fun of the South so much. I mean, these are regular folks just like you and me. It just doesn't seem fair for us to make fun of HOLY CRAP THAT'S A BIG FAT DUDE TURNING HIS UMBRELLA INTO A STRIPPING POLE AND HE'S LICKING IT.
Archphoenix: I can't unsee that. Not cool Bret, not cool.
A Vapid Blonde: Um. Um. UMBRELLAS!
The Weirdgirl: "Join our cult. We love you."
A Vapid Blonde: No, no, no no no no no! Don't get that as a tattoo!
Daddy Geek Boy: Do you think this guy's getting this horrible tat just so he can say he got the tat in a Bret Michaels video on YouTube?
Daddy Geek Boy: Two minutes in and I'm wondering why this is called the "Holiday Version."
The Weirdgirl: Well, obviously children + adults drinking + talking about pot = family values. And the holidays are ALL ABOUT family.
Archphoenix: The drummer has a righteous mohawk!
Chag: Yeah, I think he showed up for the wrong video.
Chag: It's a little hard to hear you sing "I don't get angry at the bills I got to pay" when you show us pictures of your pool which is bigger than most lakes.
A Vapid Blonde: And there it is ladies and gentlemen. The proof we have been looking for. Bret Michaels does NOT have a bandanna hair hat toupee.
Didactic Pirate: Can you get get crabs from watching a video?
Daddy Geek Boy: Beat box? It really is the '80s all over again.
Didactic Pirate: Time to play a rousing round of "Count the Mullets."
Chag: Damn, Bret! Even Kanye wouldn't perform in front of a thirty-foot image of himself!
The Weirdgirl: And he's off! At the pace of a snail. Rock on, snail.
Didactic Pirate: I'll bet a thousand bucks that he's totally bald in real life. That blond hair is actually sewn into all of his bandanas and cowboy hats.
Chag: Yes! Bret's rockin' the county fair!
Daddy Geek Boy: Okay, so it may be hard to rip on Bret Michaels after all he’s gone through, but can we at least rip on his fans?
A Vapid Blonde: I swear that's not me, drunk at a Bret Michaels Concert desecrating Sublime.
The Weirdgirl: Game! Every time you see a wife-beater, take a drink.
Daddy Geek Boy: Oh, I get it! They're showing a Dalmatian because he says "Dalmatian" in the song. Clever.
Chag: Marry me!
Didactic Pirate: Ok, I do like the woman who's playing thigh guitar. There's technique there. She looks classically trained.
Chag: Mothertruckin' riot? We should really stop listening to this song RIGHT NOW. He's practically daring us.
Daddy Geek Boy: Can we all agree now that "mothertruckin'" just isn’t an acceptable substitute?
Archphoenix: But there's a lady playing her leg like a guitar! FOCUS, people!
A Vapid Blonde: Is any one else worried that that poor innocent girl who is playing her leg like a mothertruckin' riot is about to have her boobs pop out? Because I am.
Chag: And by "worried" you mean "hoping," right? Because I am.
Didactic Pirate: You know, it's not cool for you guys to make fun of the South so much. I mean, these are regular folks just like you and me. It just doesn't seem fair for us to make fun of HOLY CRAP THAT'S A BIG FAT DUDE TURNING HIS UMBRELLA INTO A STRIPPING POLE AND HE'S LICKING IT.
Archphoenix: I can't unsee that. Not cool Bret, not cool.
A Vapid Blonde: Um. Um. UMBRELLAS!
The Weirdgirl: "Join our cult. We love you."
A Vapid Blonde: No, no, no no no no no! Don't get that as a tattoo!
Daddy Geek Boy: Do you think this guy's getting this horrible tat just so he can say he got the tat in a Bret Michaels video on YouTube?
Daddy Geek Boy: Two minutes in and I'm wondering why this is called the "Holiday Version."
The Weirdgirl: Well, obviously children + adults drinking + talking about pot = family values. And the holidays are ALL ABOUT family.
Archphoenix: The drummer has a righteous mohawk!
Chag: Yeah, I think he showed up for the wrong video.
Chag: It's a little hard to hear you sing "I don't get angry at the bills I got to pay" when you show us pictures of your pool which is bigger than most lakes.
A Vapid Blonde: And there it is ladies and gentlemen. The proof we have been looking for. Bret Michaels does NOT have a bandanna hair hat toupee.
Didactic Pirate: Can you get get crabs from watching a video?
Yes, Some Of The Roses DO Have Thorns
You could feel the excitement through the computer screen two days ago. It started with one status update, then another. There was a celebrity in our city. Our city sees a fair share of celebrities but mostly when they are really sick and not at all in the mood to chat with the locals.This celebrity was spotted at WOW (Workout World) and as far as I could tell from the status updates on Facebook, people were hanging out outside the building, waiting for him to emerge. I can only imagine what the people who were already working out inside thought.
I was tempted to wake my sleeping toddler and drive to the other side of town for my chance to see him. My teenage self reminded me I had a Poison poster hanging on the back of my bedroom door that I may or may not have kissed a few times.
But apparently I've matured at least a little. I let my sleeping toddler lie.
But I can admit I'm a little jealous of those people who met and hugged and took photos with Bret Michaels (who was on his way to Sturgis) two days ago.
[photo]
Give A Little Bit
We at Culture Brats believe in honoring the rock 'n' roll gods.
We at Culture Brats believe in paying tribute to the mortals who have lifted these gods upon their tired backs.
We at Culture Brats believe in giving back to the community.
It is with this in mind that we would like to share the following PSA from a very important charity:
[source]
We at Culture Brats believe in paying tribute to the mortals who have lifted these gods upon their tired backs.
We at Culture Brats believe in giving back to the community.
It is with this in mind that we would like to share the following PSA from a very important charity:
[source]
Jason Voorhees Ain't Got Nothing On Bret Michaels
Check it:April 12, 2010
Bret Michaels undergoes a successful emergency appendectomy.
April 22, 2010
Bret Michaels is hospitalized with a brain hemorrhage.
May 20, 2010
Bret Michaels suffers a stroke.
May 20, 2010
Doctors find a hole in Bret's heart.
May 23, 2010
Bret Michaels appears on the the live finale of The Celebrity Apprentice and wins!
May 26, 2010
Bret Michaels performs on the finale of American Idol and rocks the house!
He's indestructible!
Bret Michaels could have probably swum to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and stopped the BP oil spill!
At the very least, he could kick Chuck Norris's ass.
[photo]
Something To Believe In
Unless you've spent the last few days hiding under a rock, you've heard about the massive brain hemorrhage that former Poison frontman Bret Michaels suffered late last week. A lifelong diabetic, Bret had barely gotten over an emergency appendectomy earlier this month before he was rushed back to the hospital with a brutal headache.I kept my eye on the news all weekend - I admit, I was sort of expecting a tragic update. I mean, I'm all for positive thinking, but the initial reports sounded pretty grim, what with words like massive, brain stem and subarachnoid being thrown around.
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